Some people say that students should go to school for than 11 month a year; however, others disagree with this. Although each has advantages and disadvantages, I personally agree to with the above statement for two reasons. First, students can save extra money, and they would not lose their own pace.
To begin with, if students go to school for almost a year, they do not need to spend a lot of extra money to study. Actually, many students have taken many course like Toefl, Toeic, English conversation and so on, during their vacation through by going to academic centers or taking private lessons. According to the recent research, more than sixty percent of students in Korea go to academic center to improve their English skills. To be specific, most students in middle school or high school invest their time and money to prepare to the entrance exam, Korean SAT or study Toefl or Teps which makes extra point to enter the university. Also, most university students enroll in Toefl course or speaking center to get good job after graduating from their university. Therefore, schools have the sense of responsibility for teaching their students by expanding studying period.
In addition, student could develop abilities in their majors constantly. This is because, the period of vacation is very long, almost three month. Based on my experience, when I was a freshman, I had no idea what to do on my first summer vacation, thus I just register on Toefl course in academic center following my friends. Although I made a schedule thoroughly to master Toefl during vacation, it was hard to do them continuously for myself. After all, I could not finish studying Toefl until the new semester opened. The worse matter happened to me, which is that there was nothing to do well on my field,nothing that i can do well on my field, silver smith, for few days, though I did things very well last semester like cutting brass using a fretsaw or weilding differnt pieces of metal. If the class room opened during vacation, I could not lose my own pace next term by practicing skills constantly.
30분 맞춰놓고 썼을 때 여기까지 밖에 못 썻어요...평소보다 본론이 길긴 한데...
만약에 이런경우는 점수가 나오지 않나요? ㅠㅠ
글을 마무리 짓지 못하면 점수가 좀 깍입니다. 차라리 바디를 좀 더 줄이시고 컨클루션까지 쓰면서 마무리해주세여~
In conclusion, it could be seen that student do not have to use extra money by attending to school. Moreover, they could improve capabilities on their field without slump. Concerning above two reasons, it is evident that people who do not believe that students need to go to school for more than 11 month a year are mistaken.
마지막 줄을 항상 [주제문]을 믿는 사람(내 주장 disagree경우)/ 혹은 믿지 않는 사람(내 주장 agree경우)들은 잘못된거다. 라는 식으로 마무리를 짓는데 첨삭해주시는 분들 중에 자꾸 are mistaken을 삭제하시는 분들이 있어요... 이런표현 어색한가요? 어떤 예문이 이렇게 마무리 하길래 응용해본건데....
첨삭과 더불어 제 질문에 답도 꼭 해주세요!
감사합니다!!!>_<