Currently, I am sitting in front of a computer, surrounded by about thirty people in a small room. They, as well as I, came here to take the Toefle test. I would say that the ability to read and write has become much (more) important than in the past. It is hard to survive in this world as an illiterate. If I did not have the ability to write and read, how would I have come to this place, especially to take the test in English? In the past, girls were not even educated (add “at school”: you are talking about formal education because there are different kinds of education). Based on the reality and my experience, I agree that the ability to read and write has become more important than in the past.
Based on the reality and my experience ,
à It is not clear why the fact that you are taking the TOEFL test is so important. There is no connection between that you are taking the TOEFL test and the fact that girls were not educated at school in ancient times. In my opinion, you better briefly mention why you are taking the TOEFL test such as pursuing your career, becoming a politician, or becoming, etc, which were impossible for girls in old days because of illiterateness.
My great grandmother is an illiterate. When she was in my age, she did not have to be educated; actually, it would be more exact to say that her father did not allow her to be educated (too much repetitions; you may use “go to school”). Yet, she did not suffer, and did not feel the need for education. She did not know how to write her name, but it was normal in those times. Fortunately, my great grandmother lives to be healthy. She is now 90 years old but still retains her health. Whenever I visit her, she tells me how blessed I am to go to a school (go to school) in order to learn how to read and write. She further converses about the needs of education. My great grandmother used to tell me stories of how she was embarrassed at the market for not knowing how to read. Thinking of her, I am doing my best in what is given.
Yet, she did not suffer, and did not feel the need for education. She did not know how to write her name, but it was normal in those times. Fortunately, my great grandmother lives to be healthy. She is now 90 years old but still retains her health.
à You cannot leave these sentences giving the impression that she is just fine with being illiterate. Instead, you might shortly mention that being illiterate as girls in old days was just normal.
à The latter sentence is kind of redundancy: you may change it into “Turned ninety years old, she has been living a healthy life without the ability to read and write”
à Since these two sentences are telling us that being illiterate is sort of O.K., the sentences come after should be something opposite from these. That might look like:
However, whenever I visit her, she tells me how blessed I am to go to school by telling me the stories she had before where she was embarrassed: when she could not write down her name, when she could not locate products in grocery stores, and when she could not enjoy reading a book by herself. Also, she emphasizes these her embarrassing experiences are all due to her illiterateness.
Education equals money in today’s society. It is impossible to obtain a job and to sustain one’s life without knowing how to read or write. All information is typed (written), and it is our responsibility to read a wide range of sources in order to learn what we are interested in. When we go to a shopping mall, (delete) or even a small store, it requires us to read. It is a pity to think about those people who needs (need) help when buying what they need.
Many of us think that it is normal to read and write. However, there are many people out there, who does (why is it ‘do’ instead of ‘does’? Because that’s what the program is telling me to do…à you should delete the comma and use “do”) not have the abilities. Their wish for Christmas is to know how to read and to write. Based on my relationship with my great grandmother and view, (based on the story of my great grandmother), I agree to the statement mentioned above. (you better rewrite the thesis statement to emphasize your opinion)