주제= 자신이 행복해지는 최고의 방법은 다른 사람들을 행복하게 만드는 것이다.
찬성인데요. 주제가 좀 어려운거 같아요. 그러니까 꼭! 읽어보시고 첨삭해주셔야 되요~
이정도면 몇점일까요? (30점 만점에)
It is most commonly believed that it is the best to satisfy one’s desires in order to be happy. However, I strongly think that these people who think this way are mistaken. This is because struggling to satisfy your own desires can bring corruptions of to your life, and also because you can be better (바로앞의 의견과 비교를하여 말해야더 부드럽겠죠 :) rewarded by making others feel better than just trying to please yourself.
First of all, there is an extreme possibility that you’ll be considered corrupt when you are trying to satisfy your desires. These desires can include materialistic greed, giving or accepting bribes, betrayal, and having an intercourse with someone who is not your spouse. These are the concepts considered immoral and wrong, but there are still so many people desiring these things. And you will be considered wicked and morally corrupt when you are trying to satisfy these desires. For instance, there are many news articles about politicians giving or accepting bribes, and most people criticize them. Those politicians had probably done this just because it gratifies their desires which include being in high ranks or being materialistically wealthy. This shows that fulfilling own feelings is considered corrupted.
In addition to that, you might get rewarded as a result of helping others or making them feel happier. In this case, the term ‘reward’ doesn’t only mean solid rewards like thank-you-notes or gifts, but it also means abstract and mental rewards. This mental reward means that you yourself will fill be filled bythat you have achieved something (something이 너무 많이 나오므로 ) the joy of achievement because you had done something for someone else. According to a survey by an organization that studies people’s feelings and interactions, more than 80 percent of people felt pleasant and content when they saw someone being happy and being thankful for something they had done for the person. This proves that making other people happy would also give you confidents confidnece and satisfactions of to yourself.
To sum up, fulfilling your own yearnings leads others to considering you to be wrong and corrupt. Furthermore, you can get both solid and mental rewards when you help someone feel more pleasant. Hence, I think that it is very important to make others happy in order for you to be happy.
잘쓰셨네요 반기문님 :)