When it comes to this point that luck is connected with one's success, some people are affirmative about this point while some people are skeptical for it.-> skeptical about it. As far as I am concerned, I think that luck is just gift for-> just a gift for those who are prepared for success.
I think that only-> 생략 hard working is only one way -> is the only way to success because this society does not allow for other ways for success-> ways of success except for one's ability that is exactly estimated by scores of specific exams or interview which is the method to estimate one's potential for work.-> 문장이 상당히 기네요. 한 주제를 깊이 설명하기 위해 긴것보다는 여러가지 아이디어가 합쳐져서 길어진것이라고 보여지기때문에, 중간에 한번쯤 끊어주시는것도 좋을듯합니다 :) Thus, if we want to succeed in some area, we must work hard. In my case, I have been studying English to pass Tofle exam. It is an inevitable process to achieve my goal which is to be a good writer. Thus I believe that we should do work for our goal and should not expect any luck in doing work or getting job because it will just hamper our solid minds towards the achievement, generating weak minds -> weakness (앞에서 mind 했으니) to rely on a luck-> 이것역시 앞에 전제로 언급되있으므로생략. For success, doing my best is the right way.
In other views, we can see numerous people who are successful in their career with only their own power. Even if the disabled have serious handicaps, they overcome. -> 문법이 틀리지 않지만 더 자연스러운 문장은 Even the disableds overcome their serious handicaps on their own. This indicates that success does not come from luck, but from their persistent endeavor to conquer the hardships. We can not mention fortunate factors in this point, and here, their effort and devotion for success or surmount are only highlighted. From it, we can recognize that working hard might be the only way that we should go to succeed, demonstrating that luck has nothing to do with success.
Consequently, If there were a luck, It would obviously come to those who are prepared in their works. As we work more harder, we can attain our goal more closely, fortune is only realized when we face real test or society as unconscious supporter. This point of view is the concept that I regard as a luck. For these thoughts, I believe that we should pay attention to only working for success with no desire for a luck. -> any luck
-> 다소 자세하게 수정했는데 전체적으로 많이 좋아졌습니다 :) |