▶ Your Answer :
It is often said that teachers’ pay should not depend on their students’ academic performances because how well students perform is up to them. However, I strongly believe that teachers should receive their payments according to their students’ achievements because it will not only raise students’ grades but also it will allow teachers to reduce their stress.
인트로에서 제시한 두가지 주장이 주제와 그닥 연관된거 같지 않습니다`~!!
To begin with, if teachers get paid depends on how well their students accomplish, students’ grades would increase. This is because in order to earn a bigger paycheck, teachers will study harder and teach their students more enthusiastically. Moreover, when they fulfill this goal, they will feel satisfied and be proud of themselves for teaching their students well that they will become more passionate about their job and put more efforts in teaching their pupils. Therefore, since students learn from teachers who are zealous at teaching, they will perform better in school. For example, a couple of years ago, I took an English class in this Toefl academy and my teacher was extremely enthusiastic in teaching because the professors who worked there were paid according to how great their students perform on the real test. Hence, I was able to improve my performance because my professor was so zealous that he was always willing to help me and tried to teach his students in the best way.
In addition, it will allow teachers to relieve their stress. This is due to the fact that a majority of teachers today receive a small paycheck regardless how well and ardently they teach their students, which prevents most teachers from doing their hobbies or other activities in order to relieve their stress. Thus, a large number of teachers are under pressure because they cannot do anything which serves as a safety valve to let off some steam. According to a the study conducted by the Ministry of Education in Korea in 2008, ninety-two percent of teachers, ranging from elementary school students to college professors, are not satisfied with their paycheck and are stressed out because with the payment, they are not able to afford to enjoy their hobbies or leisure activities. This implies that paying teachers according to how well their students execute will rescue them from hard and tiring life.
In brief, schools should begin to pay teachers depends on their students’ accomplishment because it is beneficial in maximizing students’ academic performances and providing teachers a higher quality of life.
글을 읽다보니 첫번째 주장은 연관성이 있는거 같습니다~~
하지만 두번재 주장은 애매모호합니다~~
일단 문법적인 부분이랑 전개 부분은 좋습니다~~~
홧팅하세여~!!! |