> > 2009-11-12 01:43:25, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic : You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.
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I'm actually a student so that (이건 하기 위해서라는 뜻이죠..)I wouldn't be in any cases like that this for a while But if I were in that case, I'll definetely choose to purchase a house. I have two reasons about why I prefer a house. (집을 선호한다? purchasing a house 가 낫겠죠.)The first reason is because of comfort, and the second reason is because of my hobby. (The reason why I prefer purchasing a house is because it gives comfort and environment for my hobby. 이런 식으로 고칠 수도 있겠네요.)
- 토플은 I 를 이렇게 쓴다는 건 알아두세요 ^^
First of all, I esteem comfort the most, but a business will make me busy, uncomfortable and stressful. Even though I could earn much money in from a business, I think being comfortable is rather better than much money. I would be able to listen to musics, well, of course musics can be listened to while I'm working but in that case, listeners wouldn't be able to focus on the musics as they work, and I could read books what that I want. And especially this reason has a the closet relation with the second reason.
Secondly, because I play the piano and playing the piano is one of my three most important things, Mathematics, Physics, playing the piano, for me, so I will definetely choose a house. If people are in a business, the people don't usually have enough time to play the piano. If I chose to purchase a business, that means I would have to abandon one of my most important things. In fact, I have not been not playing the piano for a month due to because I went to Canada for a trip. That time my fingers didn't stop even for a second since being in Canada for a week and I felt so bad that I couldn't have slept sleep well. As much as that, playing the piano is important for me to be happy.
In conclusion, I will never change my decision even though I could earn a million dollars. I can never abandon my hobby and being comfortable. As a sentence, "Comfort makes Musics" exists(a pianist said) I won't be able to play beautiful musics. | |
평가좀 해주세요.. 사전을 아예 안보고 적으니까 고급 어휘 활용이 어려워요ㅜㅜ 어떡하죠..
320 단어구요 24분 10초 걸렸습니다.
- 지금 고급 어휘 활용이 문제가 아닙니다. 물론 어리신데도 불구하고 작문할 수 있다는 건 쉽지 않은 일이지만, 일단 기본 문법 교정이 필요한 생태입니다.
그리고, 이걸 토플 라이팅으로 썼다면... 예로들어 논술에서는 나 라는 주어를 되도록 쓰지 말도록 하고 너무 극단적인 표현은 피하는 게 좋습니다. 그렇다고 일 것같다. 이런 표현도 적지 않는 게 좋지만요. 객관적으로 진술을 하고 예시에서는 자신의 경험 등의 예시를 제시하는 게 좋습니다.
템플릿을 적어보면 주제문 - 구체적 진술 - 구체적 예시 - 정리 문장 이런 식으로요.
제가 너무 공격적인 어조로 쓴 건 아닌지 라는 생각이 드네요. 아래보니까 유학가신다고 하신 것 같은데, 그것을 계기로 영어실력도 많이 쌓으시고.. 좋아하시는 물리 공부도 잘 하셔서 원하는 것을 꼭 이루시길 바랍니다. ^^