It is often said that school requires students to take courses for general knowledge and subjects because it’s important factor of education as a whole. However, I believe that educational organization should focus more on specific contents for two main reasons: it is conducive to prepare for the future employment and encourages students to participate in class.
To begin with, concentrating more on specific career gives students a chance to get a better job. Although many companies want to hire a well-rounded person, they prioritize candidates’ in-depth knowledge on their specific field. This is due to the fact that as market in modern society has become more specialized, they require people to be expert in their field in order to maximize their profit. Thus students should be equipped with specific knowledge and skills before getting in profession. According to the Ministry of Labor of Korea in 2008, the applicant’s score on major-related questions took up more than 80% of final call. They accessed the candidates with standard employment test including interview and viewed GPA in major as the best criterion.
1. They가 누구를 refer 하는것인지 불명확합니다.
2. 맥락상 GPA in major as the best criterion을 강조하는 것이 옳으므로 그런 문장을 쓰는게 좋겠습니다 :)
ex) The most significant part of companies' evaluation criteria came out to be the GPA in subjects which were related with their specialty.
This implies that focusing on specific career is the secure way for brighter future.
In addition, teaching general subjects can discourage students from participating in class actively. It is undeniable fact that students are in class to obtain necessary knowledge to graduate. If they don’t feel the necessity of course, they would not be willing to attend class. According to the Ministry of Education of Korea in 2008, there was significant decrease in attendance rate when school did started a policy general courses mandatory that turned selective general courses such as history and art into mandatory ones towards all students regardless of their major. They choose to take other class related to their needs or work at the company as an intern to build their career. This implies that students attend the class actively when they need to participate.
다 읽고나니 body2의 논거가 attendance rate인지 active participation인지 잘 구분이 안갑니다.
attendance rate라는 논거는 별로 좋지 않아보이나 서론에서말한것과 같이 encourage students to participate in class 즉, 수업시간의 활동률을 높인다라는 주장은 꽤 설득력이 있어보입니다..
:)
In brief, school should encourage students to study hard by focusing more on specific educational courses in order to get more chances to job employment and enhance attendance rate. conclusion은 3~4문장으로 해주세요 :)
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