Most people might believe that if people possess many things and enough money for to buy everything they want, they definitely would be happy. However, I believe the notion that possession does not make people to be happy. Thus, I agree that people today would be happier if they had fewer possessions. When we have fewer possessions and share with each other our possession, we will be happy. Also, competition among people who try to have many fortunes will destroy our happiness in life.
try to have many fortnes라는 표현은 적절치 않습니다 :)
People will be happier when they have fewer possessions since having many possessions does not make people to be happy. It seems like to be happy with a lot of possession. However, the reality is quite opposite. Nowadays, most people in the world want to have more and more. So they work harder than others without breaks, also they invest extra money to make bigger. ?? When people are pursuing such a substantial items item, they might lose more valuable items. Take some examples, good relationship with family, friend and other, these make people to be happier without many possessions. <- 다소 설명이 약함 Also, Laos, south east in Asia a country located southeast of Asia, is Laos is second poorest county in the world. Surprisingly it is very famous for the high level of happiness which means that materials do not guarantee their happiness. As you can see in the Laos’s case, people would be happier when they have fewer possessions.
회색은 부적절한 표현
Likewise, when we want to have more and more possession, we can not avoid competition and comparison to with others. This keeps people from being happiness happy, also people are never going to be happy when they compare and competitive to compete with others. It is widely believed that happiness comes form self-satisfaction, not from compar ing to other people. However, desires people want to have more and more possession that ultimately leads to competitive to others that can not avoidable harsher competition. Usually, supply and demand are limited so if you want to have something valuable you have to fight to someone in order for seizing that. you have to fight harder for it. In this situation, people could not be happy. In order to be happy, People should give up having possession or have less desire for possession.
너무 문장구조들이 한정적이신데
복잡하고 다양한 문장구조 사용도 중요합니다. 회색부분같은 경우에 the 비교급 the 비교급 사용하기에 딱이네요
Supplies are generally limited so the more valuable it is that you want, the more backbreaking it is to possess it.
To sum up, possession does not satisfy people’s happiness since when people pursuit materials they might lose more valuable items. Moreover, when people want to have more and more possession, they can not be deniable competition to other that hampers happiness life.
전체적으로 clarity가 떨어지는 문장이 많습니다. |