Some people might think that getting the same grade is unfair because their duty and works on projects differ from each other. However, this is a team project, which means they have to work together helping one another. Furthermore, it could be one of items to estimate how well the team project is done. In addition, team members cannot complain about grades they get since they should make sure that which parts they are responsible for after having discussion about it.-> 뜻전달이 불명확한문장들이네요. 제가 이해력이 달리는건지 모르겠지만 제대로 논리적인 뒷받침이 되지 않는 내용들을 쭈욱 나열해주셨는데 이것보다는 확실하게 강한 논거를 짧고 강하게 어필한 다음 body에서 설명할 준비를 해주시는게 좋습니다. For these reasons, I firmly think that it is reasonable that some high schools and universities require students to work on projects together and receive the same grades. -> 논거들을 요약했더니 좀 길다 싶으면 이런 for these reasons I firmly believe같은 진부한 문장은 빼주시는게 좋습니다.
First of all, working together means that they need to co-operate each other, and it is also a part of standards of evaluating projects. To be specific, in universities and companies there are a lot of projects going on and all members in groups make teams, and separate the projects into several parts, and each person takes one part. This is a team project, which means each person have their own responsibility for the project. -> 이 말은 각자가 성적을 따로 받아야 한다는 의미에 더 가깝다고 보여집니다. 따라서 논거가 제대로 됬다고 볼 수 없겠지요. In other words, it is one result from collection of what each member is done.-> 마찬가지 In order to clarify this point, I am going to cite the sentences from my text book. I have learned about working as a team in my university. It says, “Team projects are getting common in company, so people need to know how to work together and deal with the projects and problems in the team. This is, these days, the ability companies are looking for.” In this aspect, team members are same and equivalent in the team. So, results of the projects must be balanced as well.-> 이 내용은 team project가 유용하다는 내용이지 팀멤버가 기여도에 상관없이 같은 점수를받아야 한다는 의견을 정면으로 반박해주지는 않아보입니다. 회색부분은 충분히 합치거나 자르거나 해서 확 줄일수 있는 문장들입니다.
Second, the reason why people consider that getting the same grade is not reasonable is because different is how much each member does.-> how each memebers contributes is different. Before they allot works into several parts, though, they enough spend much time on what to do. After discussing about it, they finally decide which parts each member is going to take. For instance, when I was in first year, I made a team for a project, and my team had ten people. So, we needed to separate works for the project into ten parts, but, needless to say, each part could not be the same amount. After presentation, each member got the same result which is enormously low even though what we were done was different. I said to a professor, “I have done more than other members, so I am deserved to get high score.”, but he said, “Your team already discussed the project before beginning, which means you were willing to make more efforts for your team." Besides, even he asked me, "would you complain if you got high grade?” As a result, I just accepted the result.-> 이문단은 비교적 좋아보입니다. 다만 설명하실때 너무 길게쓰시지 마시고 한 내용 설명하는데 두세문장으로 나누어 전개하지 마시고 하나로 합쳐보세요 :)
잘 읽어보시면 I said to a professor~~~, but he said ~~~ 같은 경우도 줄일수 있고
-> I had a complaint about the scores and the professor said to me that ~~ 로 줄일수도 있습니다.
To sum up, it is right that team members need to have the same result and grade on team projects because they are not different from what they do. Moreover, they should have much time to discuss who is going to be responsible for what section. Thus, I strongly agree with the statement that it is correct that students are demanded to work on projects together and receive the same grades by some schools. |