▶ Your Answer :
Personally, I disagree on the statement that television has destroyed communication among friends and family(.) because watching television can give us many information and entertainments entertaintments.
First, watching television gives us many information. Through watching television programs such as TED and CNN News with friends and family, we can discuss many things that we saw together. Therefore, watching television has not destroyed communication communicatino among friends and family.
Second, 1. watching television gives us entertainments and this might bring us happiness. For example, watching gag program or dramas is really fun so people might talk together and share their feelings joy through about these programs and stories, when the programs was finished or even while the program is was (on air) showing. 2. Furthermore, Therefore/ hence television has not destroyed communication among friends and family.
1. 대부분의 문장이 watching television 으로 시작되는데요. 이렇게 되면 글이 지루해질 수 있습니다. We can entertain (ourselves) by watching television programs, which might let us feel happy.
2. Furthermore 는 게다가 라는 뜻으로 문단의 결론부분에 해당하는 데서 쓰기에는 적합하지 않습니다.
In shorts, I strongly believe that today's television has not destroyed communication among friends and family.
잘 쓰셨는데요, 조금 더 specific 하게 구체적인 근거/예시를 써주면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수 일치와 같은 기본적인 문법에 조금 더 신경써서 체크해주시면 더 나은 글이 될 수 있을 것 같습니다. ^^
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