▶ Your Answer : Some people believe that teachers have more
impact on students than their peers do. However, in my opinion, students are
usually significantly influenced by their friends. This is because, students
spend more time and communicate more deeply with friends than teachers.
To begin with, students are more likely to
stick together for a long time with friends. They will not only go to school
together but also spend a large portion of leisure time such as summer
vacations with each other. For example, when I was in high school, my best
friend Betty and I did almost everything together since we were also roommates
in the dormitory. People often called us twins, as we were so in sync. Even in
classes, we choose to sit next to each other, and therefore I learned a lot
from her since she was one of the top students in our class. Although I never
asked her many questions, I realized that to thrive in classes, intensive
concentration is imperative. Then, my grade gradually improved thanks to her
benign influence on me.
On top of that, friendship is vital to a
deeper conversation. It is not easy for people to openly talk about their
deepest concerns and show vulnerabilities, let alone students who may not be
mature enough to express themselves properly. Only in a relationship that is
intimate enough, can people have a candid and deep conversation that could
touch each other's heart. For instance, one of my friends was so worried about
her grades that she began to lose weight and encounter insomnia from time to
time. She once sought help from teachers, but it was hard for her to open up
her mind. Later, she reached out to me to help deal with her anxiety. I did not
have any sophisticated philosophy to lead her to epiphany, but simply patted
her back and kept her company while listening patiently. She cried a lot that
day and finally overcame the difficulty.
In conclusion, students are prone to stay
with their buddies for a longer period of time and build more essential
connections with friends. In this regard, friends impose a greater influence on
students.
conclusion에서 주장 설명 조금 더 자세하게 나왔으면 마무리가 더 좋았을 것 같아요 첫번째 main paragraph의 경우 예시가 너무 빨리 나오는 편입니다. supporting detail이 조금 더 충분하게 나온 후에 예시 나왔으면 좋았을 것 같아요. 어휘 용법을 잘 모르고 쓴 부분이 조금 보입니다. thrive는 번성하다에 뜻이 더 가까운 단어로 thrive in the class는 의미가 성립하지 않습니다. 어휘 외울 때 용법과 쓰는 방법 함께 공부하는 것이 정말 중요합니다. |