▶ Your Answer :
These days, it has been common to see children running and yelling at restaurants. Some might say we need to restrict children's behaviors as once we did before. However, from my point of view, there are still plenty of the reason why we need to give children more freedom despite their immature behavior.
First of all, children have been considered to be possessed by parents in the past. Therefore, they were the easy target (What does it mean exactly?) for parents to punish whenever they consider them to behave inappropriately. This punishment usually accompanied the violence for children and used to lead led to children-abuse. However, since parents had responsibility for their child's behavior, it was accepted publicly without resistance. In this regard, if people are willing to restrict children's freedom, they would create a higher possibility of alias children-abuse.
In addition to this, it is vital for children to have an emotional stability at an early age. The environment children must affects their development in intellectual skills, emotional skills, and social skills. Children who have grown up with suffering from high pressure (From what?)tend to express their own emotions in erratic ways in the end. These ways range from isolation from the society to committing a crime.
Finally, it is ambiguous what the extend we are going to restrict. (Unclear meaning) Depending on subjective decisions, each child's behavior might have been considered fine or disrespectful. Since we don't have a clear boundary for the appropriate behavior, it would be better for children to have enough freedom as they wish to do.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 문장력이 좋은 편이나, 의미가 모호한 문장들도 종종 보이고 있습니다. - 각 단락마다 초기 주장은 좋은 편이나 끝으로 갈 수록 설득력이 낮아지고 있습니다. 따라서 관련 근거를 더욱 충분히 채워주셔야 합니다. (ex. 학생들이 어떤 pressure를 받고 있는지, 왜 잘못된 행동에도 불구하고 아이들에게 freedom을 주어야 하는지..) |
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