It is debatable whether having an ambitious goal is better than having a realistic goal. This is an interesting question because opinions relying on this can be various according to each people's perspectives concerning this can be different depending on individual perspective. However, I think that having a realistic goal is better than having an ambitious goal for following reasons.
First of all, people often get stressed out when they have an ambitious goal. They easily suppose that goal is out of their ability, and get stressed out. Sometimes, they even get bad condition due to struggling with ambitious goal. However, people who have realistic goal can have confident, and think positively. And with With this positive attitude, people get much less stress than people who have challenging goal. According to research center Sb, which is renowned research center in Korea, people who had realistic goal had less cortisol, one of the stress hormon, than who had ambitious goal. And they also found that people who have challenging goal usually had bad condition and negative attitude due to stress. This research revealed that having a realistic goal is optimal for our health.
In addition, it is better to have a realistic goal for having a energy for a next goal to have an energy for a next goal. A life is succession of goals. When people achieve one goal, they have to do next goal. So for having a enery and confidence for next challenge, it is better to have a realistic goal. However, if people have an ambitious goal, they easily be tired and lose confidence which is needed for next challenge. For example, when I was freshman, I memorized just 10 words everyday. Since it was realistic objective, I successed it. Then I could have next goal, which was memorizing 20 words a day. And now I memorize 50 words everyday. Like this example, people can have energy for next goal, when they have realistic goal. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is more advantageous to have a realistic goal than have a ambitious goal. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively delivered. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수: 27 약간의 문법적 오류나 어색한 표현들이 존재 하고 있으나 전체적으로 보았을 때 자신의 주장이 잘 보여지는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것 중에 하나는 설득력 인데.지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 각 단락 속에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시 사용은 에세이로 하여금 논리정연하게 해주는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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