> > 2010-08-07 23:53:05, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic : 얄리얄리 얄라셩 얄라리 얄리(?) 토픽 뭐였는지 까먹었는데 어떤분이 쓰시라길래 써봄. 저녁에 쓰는 것이라 이상한게 많을지도 모르니 그 점 양해 바람. | |
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“The World does not remember cowards” is one of my most favorite quotes. Many leaders, in this rapidly changing world, are inevitable from facing (responsibilities in making을 넣어서 좀더 의미를 명확하게하면 어떨까요?)significant decisions. Depending on how they(the leaders) react upon them(the people's voices) (they 가 둘이라서 ambiguity가 생기네요), the public praises or denounces the heads of states. Wise ones who realized the power of citizens advocated and preferred what the people wanted. On the other hand, many hackneyed governors failed to achieve attraction from the public, since they did not stand for their people. In my opinion, it is effective to follow citizens’ decisions and amplify their voices to beloved(they 가 누군지 애매하고, beloved란 말이 awkward하네요..).
American high school students are required to attend their national history classes, and certain researches were done. According to an independent company’s questionnaire, a list of former presidents’ names was written. When they were asked to pick those who seem to be the most familiar, more than 50% chose George Washington. One of the interviewees knew him by studying the Declaration of Independence, and by recognizing his significant position in the document,/she assumed all of his political influences positive.(두 다른 문장이 conjunction이 없이 이어졌네요) George Washington, who truly was the(관사문젠데, an이 더 자연스러울거같네요) effective leader, supported Americans who suffered under strict rules of the British Empire, and this (역시 ambiguity) allowed him to be well-known.
The above example showed(has shown이 조금 더 매끄러울거 같아요^^) the unquestionable possibility that populism has. I am not surprised that voters, not only the residents of United States, favor the speaker that “scratched their backs;” in another word, by arguing against whom citizens despised and supporting suggestions that majorities agree, landslides of votes are clearly visible. Barack Obama, although racism is still visible, overwhelmed his foes and achieved the title of the first Black president of the U.S. One of the vital elements that functioned for him was his eloquent speeches to emphasize his state. For instance, when the gigantic amounts of petroleum flooded, Obama promised to do his best. Recently, he made another interview and declared that the Gulf is saved. It casts a doubt for some people, “why the president has to tell those petty stuffs every time?” On the other hand, many do comprehend his populism behavior, showing that Mr. President made a promise and he accomplished it, therefore gaining more supporters.
It is never wrong to take advantages from the public. Moreover, it can be preferable for politicians to brainwash their people in order to show how they arduously performed, not for monetary issues but humanitarian ones. Being wise is not being honest in these days; being intelligent possesses the power to move people emotionally. | |
2주뒤에 시험이라서 공부하다가 글을 올렸는데, 다른분들 라이팅 읽다가 첨삭해봤어요 ㅋ
잠이와서 두번째 문단부터 첨삭을 못했어요 ㅠㅠ 죄송해요 ㅠ
근데 minor& grammatical mistake 제외하고는 내용은 좋은거같아요^^
혹시 제가 잘못 짚은 부분이있으면 양해바랍니다^^;
열공합시당~ ㅋㅎ