> > 2010-05-25 16:59:16, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic :
Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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An ongoing debate exists over whether preparing and eating at home is better than eating outside. Some people say that eating at home is a better(두개중에 어떤게 좋은지 argue하는 거니까 ~) the best choice because home-made food food which eats at home is more clear cleaner and healthier. Of course, eating at home provides people with positive aspects, but it they(aspects받는거니까요) cannot exceed/outweigh the benefits of eating outside due to the fact that people can enjoy various food as they eat outside and also people can save time.
To begin with, people can eat a many different food at one place in restaurants. It is no secret that eating outside gives people more delicious food because the food is cooked by a professional. which is provided is made by food expert. Not only that, generally speaking, there are is a lot of diverse dishes(요리) foods at restaurants. Therefore, people can have a chance to eat pick what they want to eat. When I was a student, my friend and I searched for place to eat dinner. My friend recommended me good restaurants to go eat. so we can go there. At these places(good restaurants받는거니깐~), this place, we could choose various kinds of food. I wanted to eat pizza, and my friend loved pasta. The food that we ate was is so delicious that I could not forget about the restaurant. the restaurants. If it had not been for his recommend,he did not recommend this place, I would not have had the an experience to eat such fantastic food.
=>이야기가 다른 방향으로 흘러가는 듯해요.. 친구가 recommend했다는데에 더 초점이 맞춰져가는듯하네요 ~ 쉐프가 요리해준 음식이 너무 맛있었다, 집에서 똑같이 해보려 했는데 잘안되더라, 역시 밖에서 먹는게 전문가가해주니까 더 맛있다. 이런식으로 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같네요 @!^^
On the top of that, people can save time when they eat out. while eating. It is common for people to spend many hours each day working at their workplace. Thus, most of the (most of the~는 구체적인 어떤 사람들일때 쓰구 general하게 대부분의 사람들은 ~ 이라고 쓸땐 most people 로 써주세요 :) people are so tired when they come back to their home. They need some physical and mental rest of time for their body, mental. If they prepare their food, they will be entirely exhausted. As a result they may have lower efficiency at work.in working. A recent study conducted by Korea University has shown that people who take a rest after working are more productive and efficient at their workplace. Whereas,(접속사)On the other hand, people who do not have a chance to take a break tend to get tired easily on the grounds that the less they relax, the less relax they do, the more stress they receive. Not until I read this article, did I recognize the importance of the taking a rest.
I have no choice but to agree that eating at food stands or restaurants is an optimal choice. The reason why I think like this is that because not only eating outside provides people with colorful food, but it also give them time to relax. enable people to save their time for take a rest.
15점은 넘을 것 같아요 ~ 20점내외? | |
아 정신없이 써서 너무 중복단어도 많고 힘드네요...
점수도 대략적으로 가르쳐주셧으면 좋겟어요... 한 15점이나되려나요? 그리고 제가 밑줄친 부분 표현 아래꺼 덜 휴식할수록 쓸려고하는데... 어떡해 해야할질 몰라서..그리고 it cannot exceed 이거 이상한가요? 모델에쎼이서 외워서 쓴건데 저번에 한번
첨삭해주실때 지적하셔서... 이상하면 표현을 따른걸로 바꿀까해서요..부탁드립니다..