문제:학생들이 대학에서 선생들을 평가해야한다. 동의하는가 반대하는가?
'All humans are created equal' We all know this. This phrase says that all people have their own rights and opinions. Students might have different ideas from their professors in their classes as well. Therefore, I firmly believe that students must have their own rights to evaluate their teachers.
Obviously, education nowadays is different from the past in all aspects. In the past, students didn't dare to express their own perspectives in class. Today, however, keeping our own perspectives has become one of fundmental educational virtues in school. Therefore, universities should make sure that students have rights to express their voices.
이 문단에서는 have to 를 2번이나 쓰셨더라구요.. should 나 need to 같은것도 좋지않을까요?
There is also another fundamental reason universities have to encourage students to evaluate teachers. Teachers tend to ignore students. It is true. Thus, universities have to know how effectively or eagerly professors are teaching their students. Through this evaluation, the university can recognize the professor's worth in a class and encourage them to take care of their students more. According to my father, a professor in a university, he usually gets good opinions from the students.
As a result 보다는 To conclude, To sum up... 등이 더 좋아보이네요.
As a result, evaluating teachers in a university is benefitial for university itself, for students and for teachers. University is a small society. All the societies in the world need well-organized communication system. The ability to keep good communication system decides whether the society would be a good one or not. (사실 여기서 society라고 쓰지마시고 그냥 직접적으로 university 라고 쓰시는게 더 좋을수도 있어요)
222 단어..밖에 안되구요 ㅠㅠㅠ
모의토플이라도 실전과 너무 유사하게 봤는데.. 긴장되고 첨이고 준비도사실 미숙하고 그래서 어려움이 많았습니다.
단어수는 충분치 못하더라도 나름 인트로에서 흥미를 끌려서 시도한게 무리한거같기도 하구요.
주장을 뒷받침하는 내용도 구체적이지 못하다는 생각이 들어요.
다른분들의 눈을통해 보면 더 날카로운 지적이나 도움되는 충고를 얻을수 있을거같아서 이렇게 올리구요.
5점 만점인가요? 6점만점인가요? 이렇게 쓰면 어느정도 받을수 있을지 궁금하네요 ㅠ 기대는 하지 않지만 실망하고싶지도 않아요 흑흑흑..
제가 뭐 전문가는 아니지만 대체로 잘 쓴 에세이 같구요.