Many people say that spending money on the trip is better than saving earning.
However, I disagree with this prospective(statements가 나을듯) for two reasons.
First, we must to be prepared (we must be prepared) for unexpected situations that woud be costly. Second, people have to save the money for their old days after their retirement.
To begin with, it is fairly common for people to save their salary for the emergancy (emergent) situations.
If they just want to enjoy their life(lives) in(during their) free time, they would(will) spend their extar(extra) money on some funny entertaments or shoppings. This practical on the part of many people who have a family shows that they usually think about emergancy.
Take a my friend(Giving an example of my friend 가 더 나을듯..), for the example, In fact (redundant : 불필요), her family have not saved (did not save) their money but (because they spent all money for their hapiness and luxaries) happy and luxurious.(문법적오류) But when her older brother have(was) seriously injured to a car accident, even thguoh(불필요) their(his.. older brother 로 받아쳣으니깐 his..) car insurances covered some part of hospital costs, they can not pay for rests of the bills.( run-on sentence)
Secondly, many people are living longer than the past. so they have to prepare for the future.
People in these days are not merely looking to now (for the present) but also (the) future that they don't have any jobs. In fact, many salary people(workers) are more concerned with the their old days.
A recent Coba institute survey of one hundred salary people revealed some interesting results. For example, 73 percent of those surveyed reported that they need money for spending in life after retirement. And when (they were) asked why they want to save the (their) earnigs, 67 percent responted (responded or reported) that they want to prepare to (for their) future when they could not continue working anymore. In addition, the overwhelming majority said that they want to relax and comportable life after quiting their works whith (while) saving money. This shows that many people are preparing the future with savings than spending money on amusement .
To sum up, not only do many people warry (worry) about unforseen situation, they also want to prepare for the old days.
괜찮게 썻는데
grammatical mistakes 가 너무많습니다..
model essay 많이 읽어보시고 많이 쓰세요 ^^
337 단어 나왔는데...
너무 짧은건 아닌지...
그리고 딱 20초 남겨두고 완결짓는 바람에 하나도 리뷰 하지를 못했네요.
잘 부탁드립니다.