▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the news media is not truthful source of impartial information. However, in my opinion, the news media in the present is more believable than any other periods. This is because people can see news from various medias and the reliability of the media is highly affected by its reputation for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유를 다 설명을 할 것이기 때문에 인트로에서 장황하게 다 설명할 필요가 없습니다). To begin with, people are able to monitor different media can monitor different media. What I mean is that under people's watch, the news media cannot be dishonest since people can figure out whether the news is real or fake As people can figure what is right and wrong, media cannot convey wrong information. For example, I always watch many mass medias to acquire the most objective facts. When there are some cases about politics, I usually look for different newspapers such as Hangurae and Hankook Illbo because perspectives of every newspapers companies are very various as different news platform have different perspectives. By doing this, I can find genuine truth of the cases and also know what mass media transmits faults to people. On top of that, the news media is largely dependent on reputation. This is because people's People's (this is because는 적절치 않는 표현입니다) loyalty to station depends on honesty. There was a poll conducted by Korean minister of welfare with normal adults as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about importance of media's reputation. The majority of the respondents admitted this statement. An 88% overwhelming had responded that they usually watch specific medias which reputation is good that have good reputation. One of the respondents says news media's great reputation emerges from hard efforts to sustain its reliability. This survey proves that many people have a positive view to the statement that the news media highly resorts to its own reputation. To sum up, people's surveillance of various media and media's reputation makes the news media more truthful. In this regard, I firmly believe that the news media is very equitable and credible.
점수: 21 일단 각 단락들이 서로 문제를 가지고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우는 어색한 표현들이 너무 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 전체적인 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 이유에 대한 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 이유를 꾸며 주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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