As the demand of energy
increases continuously, concerns that we would face the dangerous situation
that all energy is used up are coming to the forefront. This calls into
question whether or not
in order to
(Whether
or not to~~ 에다가 In order를 넣으셨네요
제가 경험이 부족해서 그런진 몰라도 좀 생소하네요
같은뜻이지만서도, 아예 오해도 줄일 겸 whether or not
to로 써주는게 좋지 않을까요?)
conserve energy, the government
should make the cost of energy such as gasoline or electricity higer(오타죠?ㅎ). Even though it seems quite true
that high price of energy would prevent the exhaustion of it (에너지 고갈을 막을것이라고 하셨는데요, would prevent the energy eshaution 그냥 짤막하게 써주면 더 간결할거 같아요-제의견), I strongly believe that it is not wise solution because
not only there are essential needs of consuming energy regardless of the price,
but also society can come up with other alternatives instead of high price of energy (alternative라는 단어는 이미 instead of ~~를
포함하고 있지 않나 싶군요).
To begin with, there are fundamental demands of energy in our society regardless of the price of it. It is evident when we ponder that plenty of factories need a regular amount of energy to produce various kinds of products to be needed for our basic lives. Besides, a lot of public facilities also need energy. To illustrate this point, most of citizens are using public transportation to commute to their work places. If the government increased the cost of energy, the citizens would have to take the economical burden. As a result, it could threaten citizens’ lives financially.(예를 쓰신다는 것이 그만 설명도아니고 예도아닌 어정쩡한 상황에 갇혔습니다. 예는 어