Since several technologies were invented today, the ability of reading and writing is not as important as the past period. Due to the development of new technologies, the ability of reading and writing has become less important. Some oppopnents ,however, argue argues that reading and writing capacity is a are the most potent power to be a part of society. But, in case of me,I totally do not go with the statement which is literal ability become more important these days than the past period for several reasons. However, I believe that the importance of reading and writing skills has decreased since we have better ways to express ourselves and other skills have become significant.
literal:말그대로의
In case of me: In my case/As for me
지금 가장 큰문제는 글의 구성이에요.
토픽이 명확하지가 않아요. 인트로의 마지막 문장도 평서문으로 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같아요. 아니면 I totally do not go with the statement above since ... 이런 식으로 쓰는 것도 괜찮구요.
바디1,2도 첫문장에 바로 토픽이 명확하지가 않아요. 특히 바디2는 social classes의 붕괴 보다는 다른 능력들이 더 중요해졌기 때문에 ~ 라고 쓰면 더 좋을 듯 ~
그다음으로는 문법이 약하신 것 같아요. 특히 시제 !
내용은 아주 좋아요 ~ 문법이랑 organization만 보완해주세요 :)
First of all, men could express thier opinion only through the paper or literal way since there were not enough materials. However, audio and visual techonologies were invented nowadays. These equipments can show what they want to say to us no need with read or write ability. For example, TV and Radio are regarded as a most effective invention of today which means it became a basis of our real life. When we see or listen something to those material we do not need to read or write and merely requires watching and understanding. What a conveineint situation compared to the past period. According to the development of those devices, living a life get more easier without literal ability than the past.
The second reason is related to the broke up of the social classes. It is evident that social class which was epidemic in the last 100 decades get blurred thesedays. In the past, literal power was most effective and it destined the one's ability whether he or she is powerful or not. Although it still remained a bit today, physical ability such as singing, acting and dancing become more important than the past days. If a men has a talent in those area there is no need to have other ability which is read or write.
To sum up, there are two reasons why the literal ability is not regarded as a important power than last period. Invention of auditory and visual techonology and collapse of social classe are the reasons respectively. In my opinion, men merely needs to develope one particular talent to be a professional in their area. |