People are faced with a lot of things to make decisions in their entire life. Some things are trivial but others are so important that they might change their life. Personally, I strongly believe the idea that people should make important decisions with others for the following reasons. First, people cannot experience all things in their life so they are possible to make an error. Moreover, people cannot be a professional in all area.
To begin with, it is possible for people's experience to be limited. People cannot go everywhere and cannot do everything because they live in limited time. We are imperfect human beings since we are fettered by time and space. So it is wise to rely on other's experience which is more superior to us. For example, I had to make a crucial decision with regard to getting married. At that time, I asked my parent to give me an advice because they have more years of experience than me. The result is so wonderful that I always require an advice for my parent whenever I am faced with something to make important decisions.
In addition, we cannot dig deep in all area. That's mean that since we are not an experts in every department, we should ask people who are specialist in that area for help. For instance, when it comes to finance matter, we can get a helpful advice when we ask it to financial expert. And when we are confronted with emergency situation like life-hazardous things, we can rely on doctor's specialized knowledge. As this illustrate well, we can reach in deep position in all field when we have to make an important decision as long as we use other's depth intelligence.
In conclusion, I strongly suggest that people use other's help when they have something important decision. Fist, since we are incomplete human being, it is wise for us to rely on other's experience. Second, we can be an expert in every area since we can use other's professional wisdom when we request help for them. With this method, we can avoid the side effect of decision with alone.
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이정도로 쓰면 점수는 대략 얼마정도 나올까요 ? ㅜㅜ
People are faced with a lot of decision making things to make decisions in their entire life. Some things are trivial but others are so important that they might change their life. Personally, I strongly believe the idea that people should make important decisions with others for the following reasons. First, people cannot experience all things everything in their life so they are they may possible to make an errors. Moreover, people cannot be a professional in all every area. (이유를 한 개만 적으셨기 때문에 “first ” 라는 표현보다는 바로 이유를 적는게 더 좋을 것 같아요)
To begin with, it is possible for people's experiences are limited. People cannot go everywhere and cannot do everything because they live in limited time (이 부분은 말이 되긴 하지만 조금 시한부 인생을 말하는 듯한 느낌이 있어서요~<그냥 제 생각에는…ㅎ>). We are imperfect human beings since we are fettered by time and space. Therefore it is wise to rely on other's experience which when it is more superior to us. For example, I had to make a crucial decision with regards to getting married. At that time, I asked my parent to give me an advice because they have more years of experience than I. The result is so wonderful that I always require an advice for from my parents whenever I am faced with something to make important decision making.
In addition, we cannot dig deep in all areas. That's This means that since we are not an expert in every department, we should ask specialized people in that area for help. For instance, when it comes to finance matters, we can get a helpful advice when we ask it to financial experts. And when we are confronted with emergency urgent situations like life-hazardous things matters (“things”는 조금 formal 하지 않은 단어라 다른 표현이 더 좋을 것 같아요), we can rely on doctor's specialized knowledge. As this illustrates well, we can reach in deep position in all fields when we have to make an important decision as long as we use other's depth intelligence in knowledge.
In conclusion, I strongly suggest that people use other's help when they have something an important decision to make. Fist First, since we are incomplete human beings, it is wise for us to rely on other's experience. Second, we can be an expert in every area since we can use other's professional wisdom when we request help for from them. With this, we can avoid the side effects of making crucial decisions with alone.
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From bj: Spelling error 는 별로 없으신 것 같아요~^^ 하지만 grammatical error 가 조금 있는데요~
Plural form 인 “s” 붙이는 것과 “for 과 from”을 쓸 때를 잘 구분하셔야 할 것 같아요~
전체적으로 essay는 탄탄한 것 같고요! 본인의 경험담을 써서 더 좋았던 것 같아요~
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