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시간도 많이 부족하네요... 읽어주셔서 감사합니다. 꾸벅~ 부족한 부분 충고 많이 부탁드려요~^^ |
Lending money to friends is controvisial (controversial 이라는 단어는 쫌 큰뜻을 가지고 있어요~진구 온난화 같은거 얘기할 때 쓰면 좋지만 돈빌리는 문제에 관해 쓸때는 적합하지 않은 것 같아요), regardless of the era or where we live. Some people argue that friendship is more important in people's life than money so it is evident to help each other under any circumstance even financial aid. On the other hand, financial loands (spelling error) loans between friends can harm or damage the friendsship friendship. I support the latter opinion because money is crucial. While When (while은 “그러는 동안” 이런 뜻을 가지고 있어서 여기서는 when 이 더 좋을 것 같아요~) people lend money, they are likely to lose both money and friends.
To begin with, lending money occurs to the damage of money (damage of money를 말씀하실 때 어떤 뜻인지 잘 모르겠네요..). In our society, money plays in pivotal role for survial survival. Beside Additionally, because nobody can predict the future, anying anything can happen. Even though if (만약에 상황을 말할때에는 “even if”가 적합해요~) the person who borrows the money is so responsible and trustful. If that person's financial situation gets worse than before, he is will not be able to pay the money back. For example, my uncle has a stable job and makes good salary. Besides Aside with from good personality, he has a lot of friends who likes and trusts him. Once he helped and signed his friend to get a financial loan from the bank. The problem is was that at the beginning his friend seemed to get over his problem in a short time but his business went to got bankrupt. Therefore my uncle could not get the money back from him. he is still waiting for his money back.
Moreover, money can break up the trust. It is said that the feeling when people are eager to possess is different different from the feeling when you already possess. There is a good example that my friend went thorugh had. Her friend used to be very reliable and nice. Unfortunatly Unfortunately, her friend faced serious problems financially, my friend who is was wiling willing to help people in need had to borrow some amount of money as much as she can(이 문장의 뜻을 제대로 전달하지 못한 것 같아요). Sadly, my friend lost her contact the friend who borrowed money suddenly went out of reach. She couldn't find the reason why her friend left. If my friend didn't lend money to her friend, she would have kept a good relationship with her.
As mentioned above, money role is inevitable for living. Lending money led to lose money as well as people we like(이 문장은 많이 어색해요). In this regard, I strongly agree with that view point (다 알고 반복적이 더라도 무슨 view point 인지 적으시는게 좋을 듯 해요). If people you want to strengthen the relationship need financial loans, It is better to just give away as you can afford. (돈을 주라는 뜻인가요?ㅠ) It can be the best alternative.
[출처] 오랜만에쓴 라이팅 첨삭 부탁드려요~ |작성자 muse
[고우해커스] No.1 유학정보포털 - 토플/GRE/GMAT/SAT/IELTS/유학/어학연수/교환학생
From bj: 내용은 탄탄하지만 grammatical error 이 조금 있구요~spelling error 이 특히 많은 것 같아요~ 급하게 쓰셔서 그러겠죠?시간 되시면proof read 하면 더 좋을 것 같아요~ 마지막 conclusion 쓰는걸 연습하시 것도 좋을 것 같아요~ 마지막에는 강렬하고 확실한 주장을 하는게 좋은데 끝에 살짝 애매모호 하네요~