▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether that television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them. This is an intriguing question because this topic can be relying on individual perspectives different depending on individual perspective. In my opinion, however, I support that television should be used to instruct people for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, the television helps people broaden their perspectives. To be specific, the television allows people to better understand this world the world. Today’s world is increasingly globalized has increasingly become globalized, diverse and change fast rapidly changing. As the mass media the television reflects this world, and convey various news in the world. Therefore, modern people can broaden their view through watching the television which reflects the fast-changing world news modern people can broaden their view from television. For example, the Bill gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, made accomplishments in his life time. I read online that he was successful because he was global-minded and cultural sensitive. He watched the television which show the world-news, he got the idea that he ought to invent computer for the future to get the idea of how to invent computer for the future. Therefore, the television helps people in order to make wide perspectives to enhance point of view.
Secondly, the television helps people to develop communication ways with others. In details, the television creates opportunities for developing thinking and social skills for people to develop thinking and social ability. The television has features, which show trend of world or today’s fashions. showing the trend of the world. This offers some debating topic which may share various thoughts with others. Modern people can do this by watching television program or news together. For instance, Steve Jobs, who is the founder of Apple, made great feats in his whole life. I read online magazine that he was successful because he had speech skills and communication skill. He did debate or discussion about weekend’s hot-topic with his friends. Through this experience, he learn how to enlarge own thought, interact, and communicate with people. Hence, the television would to develop interpersonal ways to talk with others.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the television should be used to direct people rather than to entertain them. This topic have been effectively and precisely delivered the reasons mentioned above. This issue may have some impact on our society.
점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이는 크게 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 존재합니다. 첫 번째는 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 모두 서로 어색한 표현들이 많이 보여집니다. 이러한 표현들은 전체적인 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 예시들이 주제를 벗어났습니다. 주제를 벗어나는 예시를 서술하는 것 보다는 주제에 초점을 맞추면서 에시를 선정하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |