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It is debatable whether films and television have a more negative impact than a positive impact on the way children behave. In general, some people might think that watching movies and television encourage encourages (ing뒤에는 단수 동사 형태를 서술하시길 바랍니다) children to think out of the box. In my opinion, however, I strongly believe that movies and television are hazard media for children for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, films and television programs contain a large amount of impure materials because they want to attract more consumers by offering overly stimulating entertainments. In modern times, all people can accept a bunch of enjoyments on television without a filter. Obviously, children are more susceptible to impure media than adults due to the fact that they did not yet establish their personal identity and personality. Unfortunately, such media manipulate children to imitate immoral actions as well as affect negative effects on their basic personality. For example, there was a poll conducted by Tom Rath, the director of the Gallup Organization, with 450 university students as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to understand the risk of mass media. An overwhelming 82 percent responded that watching television in their free time is waste of time and instills sexual and violent stimulus. This survey argued that mass media maximize the violence of children, especially in 12 to 18 years old young people.
In addition, exposing a movie and television regularly made young people passive since it simply requires the skills of the watching and listening. Since its simplicity, children cannot be creative but can be an inactive person. For instance, when my elder sister was an elementary school student, she relished watching television animations regularly every night. My parents cannot stop her from watching television because she showed us very violent action and got mad. Looking back now, my parents should have stopped her just from watching a poor medium. She is now an incompetent unemployed person without the ability to manage her life. Though this experience, I realized that television makes fools and the reasons why television was called an idiot box.
In conclusion, films and television are highly dangerous to young people because it can make an aggressive person or a passive one. All things considered, I firmly believe that young people should escape from mass media that includes sexual, negative elements.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시를 통하여서 영화와 티비가 사람들에게 부정적인 영향을 주는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 각 단락들이 아주 논리적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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