> > 2010-05-10 15:11:49, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic :In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. | |
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In some countries, young children have the opportunity to manage their own money. When they receive pocket money, they can save the money or spend on buying materials that are valuable to them. Of course children usually don't know the value of money; however, as they manage money on their own, they can become responsible adults when they grow up. Owing to money, they realize the opportunity cost(경제학에 나오는 jargon??) and they prepare their future. (이해불가)
Above all, children who manage their own money finally see the opportunity cost. They could become more prudent because they have a limited amount of money. They know that in order to obtain one thing, losing one thing could be necessary through prior experiences ?(문맥이 않맞아요, 한정된 양의 돈을 가지고있으면 뭔 한가지를 얻으려면 잃는다? ). So they compare the value between two objects and choose one of them. It is very important to be responsible. If they don't know the opportunity cost, they just do what they want to do. For instance, when I was young, my parents permitted me to manage money on my own and they neither interfered me nor helped. Naturally I couldn't help doing anything by myself. It was really effective to instill the sense of responsibility. Unlike other children, I could control myself. Like this example, managing money is helpful to raise one's responsibility.
Moreover, children could prepare their future by managing money. As I mentioned above, they know the opportunity cost. As a result of that, they realize that they should prepare for future events. They learn how to save their money and to plan for how to use their money wisely. These conducts have to do with responsibility because though weakly, they are able to handle their life. They could feel rewarded and powerful. According to a study, adults who have managed money in their childhood tend to bear well their life because they have learned how to cope with unexpected situation or financial difficulties. This reflects managing money helps children to be more mature and responsible.
Thus, managing money by themselves is a good way teach children to be responsible. I believe that children could learn the value of money and how to manipulate it. Adults don't need to be afraid that money gives children develop bad habits such as overconsumption. Even though they overspend money at first, as time goes by, they will eventually learn how to manage their money in a right and sane way. We should trust children and should allow them to handle money.
문장을 말하고 끈고 because로 새문장을 시작하는데 그러지 말고 바로 because로 이어나가세요. 그리고 예시가 좀 오프타픽인거 같고 약해요. 2번째 문단. 그리고 얘기가 애들을 믿고 용돈 관리하게 해줘라 그러면 자기가 알아서 배운다 그런식으로 간다고해야되나? 그리고 문맥이 갑자기 바뀔 때가 있구요; 이해하기 힘든 문장들이 좀 있어요. 그래도 제가 저번에 한번 첨삭해드렸는데 그때보다는 훨씬 잘 쓰신거같애요~ 화이팅이에요 항상 ^^ 그리고 opportunity cost는 제가 이해를 못해서;
죄송해요 ㅎㅎ 이번 거는 이해하기가 어려워서 많이 첨삭을 못해드렸어요 ㅠㅠ죄송합니다..
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8일날 첫 토플을 망친 여파로 주말을 몽땅 쉬고 이제야 다시 책을 보네요
실제 토플시험보는 것과 이렇게 연습하는 것은 매우 다른거 같아요 그래서 더 열심히 준비해야할듯..
여러분 모두 화이팅하세요^^