▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, economy undoubtedly plays a pivotal role in the twenty first
century, thanks to the contributions of some of the great minds in history,
Many individuals may conceive that when a nation faces an economic crisis, it should
spend less money on schools, public transit or military. However, in my eyes, a
country must provide less financial support on public libraries for the
following reasons. opinion, a country must reduce budget on public libraries for the following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, many people would agree with the notion that both school
and public library are for educating and helping students to enhance their
ability to study public library and school are to educate and help students to enhance study. By the way, public library can be replaced by school. This is
because most Most (this is because 는 적절치 않는 표현입니다) schools have their own library. According to the research
conducted by Seoul National University, over 99.8 percent of middle schools,
high schools, universities and even elementary schools in Korea have their own
libraries. Also, when school allow people to study on weekend and holiday, it
will be so helpful for students to study hard regularly. Consequently, school
can be a desirable alternative of public library.
Furthermore, public transit is a significant factor when a country goes
through an economic recession. This really rings true to me when I heard my
parents' story. In 1990's, specifically, Korea experienced a catastrophic
depression of economy so all civic, including my parents, had to overcome
together. They sold their objects such as accessories, clothes even automobiles
and houses. My parents also sold their car and use public transport when they
commuted to work hard. Subsequently, they maintain and overcame their financial
danger as they worked hard with public vehicles.
Lastly, you know that public libraries can be replaced by schools. On
the other hand, military cannot be replaced. Additionally, if a government
spend less money on military, a nation's power can be decreased. Diminished
power may lead to a nation's devastating according to many historical
literatures.
To sum up,
yes, many people may think that a nation should give up supporting on schools, public
libraries and military when it faces financial crisis. On the contrary, these
choices can be refuted by aspects of existing alternatives. Therefore, I firmly
stand by my position that a country should abandon to spend money on public
libraries.
점수: 21 일단 지금 이 에세이는 세 가지 이유를 서술하였는데. 모든 이유 다 정리가 덜되어 있는 에세이입니다. 정리가 덜 되었다라는 느낌이 가장 크게 드는 것은 전체적으로 각 단락들이 무엇을 얘기하고 독자들에게 전닳을 하려고 하는 것인지 모르겟습니다. 전체적으로 설명 자체들이 논리적이지 않고 모호합니다. 또한 공공 도서관의 단정을 좀 더 부각할 수 있는 부분들을 더 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |