▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that a country should not invest in schools to progress. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First, people who got high quality of education are more satisfy with their lives. Second, improving schools can increase country's economic. To begin with, children is our future. If children got high quality of education, they can easily develop their own's life. And this could increase their life satisfaction. If one's life satisfaction is high, the country will be developed. For example, there was a poll conducted by Gallup with one hundred citizens who had undergraduate degree as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about education can affect country's progress or not. An overwhelming 89% responded that they agree on the statement since they are happy on their lives. On top of that, if schools got a high acclaim, many family members will try to move their place for their kids education. This could straightly affect on country's revenue. For example, Singapore government spend a lot of money on schools. They bought a lot of new chairs and desks, and increase the quality of class. For these reasons, many people move to Singapore and the economic level of the country's got rosed. To sum up, by investing on schools a country will be progressed. In this regard, I firmly believe that if the government want their country's success they have to invest on schools and students.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에는 각 단락에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시들을 통하여서 나라가 발전하기 위해서는 학교에 돈을 투자하는 것이 왜 중요한지를 잘 알 수 있었던 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 전체적으로 각 단락들이 아주 논리적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |