▶ Your Answer : As everything in life is like a
coin which has two different sides, people should weigh pros and cons before
jumping to conclusions. After all, each and every question of topic requires
careful deliberation. Even though some adamantly say that increasing payment
for professors can lead to high-quality education, I strongly think such
opinion lacks coherence to some extent. In my humble opinion, raising salaries
of professor does not guarantee the improvement of education quality for the following two subsequent reasons.First and foremost, the majority
of professors did not choose their job solely for the money. Although the money
is one of the critical factors for living to live, they do not teach students or
dedicate to their study only for their earning. To make my point more thoroughly,
I will take the case of my professor, Mr.Kim. He mentioned that he chose to be
a mathematics professor mainly due to the fact that he could not only research
what he want to study but also he could watch meaningful achievement of students
with the help of his lectures become a mathematics professor not only to research his specific study but also enhance the quality of student. For him, money is not be the most important
factors for education. the most important factor (동사가 두 개 입니다)
On top of that, there are other various
factors which have impact on the quality of education (이유에 대한 설명을 좀 더 구체화 시키고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, I took the
chemistry experiment class in last semester. In class, the role of the
professor was not that critical since professor only supervised our behaviors
in the laboratory. The quality of tools needed for experiment or the curriculum
of the class were much more influential for what I could learn from the class
than the effect of the professor. Therefore, there are plenty of ways to
improve the quality of education instead of raising the salaries of them.
In summation, it is virtually
impossible to provide completely satisfying answer to the open-ended question. Although
the jury may be out of this given topic, we can come to mutual agreement that
paying more salaries to professors does not convince the improvement of
education quality.
점수: 22 전체적으로 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 존재하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 부연설명들은 전체적인 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 바로 예시로 넘어가는 것 보다는 이유를 좀 더 명확하게 설명을 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |