> > 2010-04-16 17:30:31, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic : 깔끔하게 방을 유지하는 것이 더 성공 적인가? 그렇지 않은사람보다? | |
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Does People’s behavior have a big influence on their characteristics or possibility of success? There are various ideas whether there are certain qualities that are necessary in order to be successful. Some people may argue that keeping room neat has nothing to do with being successful. However, I have a different idea. When it comes to the statement that students who keep their rooms near and organized have more chance to success, I strongly agree with it. I totally think that keeping room clean is related to success for two reasons: working efficiency and making good impression when people visit your room.
suggestion
Paragraph 1
Does People’s behavior have a big influence on their characteristics or possibility of success? Many people have different ideas on this issue. However, I believe that students who keep their rooms near and organized have more chance to success. I strongly agree with this statement for two reasons: tidy rooms help you work more efficiently and give a better impression of you.
First of all, working efficiency is one of the biggest factors one needs to have in order to ahead of others. Keeping room neat make working efficiency high, Keeping a room neat highers efficiency, and this is why student who arrange their room have more chance to be successful than who do not. Putting it differently, when a person’s room or office is organized and clearly arranged, he or she obviously needs less time to find what they need, which bring efficiency. There was a case study that can be help this argument. According to the study, researchers found that people who keep their space neat have more than work 30 percent more efficeintly efficiency than people who do not in same conditions. This study proves that clear clean rooms affects to working efficiency. As we all know higher efficiency means better results. high working efficiency make high working result. Therefore, it can be said that students, especially those who want to be successful, should organize their rooms to be able to work and study more efficiently than others.
Furthermore, personal relationship is a key to success. It is very essential to invite others for a person to build intimate relationship with them in Korea, and this is why people should keep their room neat. Putting it differently, to success, people should make good friends. Allowing a person to see one’s private space such as home, which means that the one is ready to be open and wants to be close with the person according to Korean culture, is one step to make a relationship in Korea, so keeping the room neat is important to impress others when you invite people over to your home to build a relationship. people are invited to your home to build relationship. For example, when I was an elementary school student, I would go to my friend se-jung’s house to play. Whenever I went to her their house, the room was always arranged and organized, so I have had a good image not only of the room but also of her until now. In this sense, people have to keep their room neat and organized in order to maintain or build give pleasing impression with others because building up good relationship can make people successful.
In conclusion, although keeping room neat is not direct reason does not directly contribute to success, it is obviously helpful to success. Working efficiency and making good relationship is essential to success, and keeping room organized makes them possible. Therefore, student who keeps their space clean has more chance to success than who do not. | |
쓴다고 쓰는데 문장이 자꾸 질질 끌어지고.. 전치사나 동사 어려운거 사용이 어려워요 ㅜㅜ
단어가 부족해서겠죠?
그리고 thesis-support>? 뭐이런거 있는데.. 논리적으로 글쓰기가 너무 어려워요!
어떻게 해야 논리적으로 글을 쓸수잇을까요 ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ
다른분들 글 보면 깔끔하고 쭉쭉 읽혀가고 동감도 되는데...전 너무어려워용!!