▶ Your Answer :
Some people think children should play sports for competition rather than for fun. However, children’s intellectual, social, and personal development is highly influenced by playing sports for fun. With this understanding, I believe that children should play sports as fun for the following subsequent reasons.
First, playing sports for fun enables children to relieve stress. Understanding environment of children and the potential role of playing sports for fun is necessary to substantiate this view. For example, every morning, children have to patiently sit through to get to school. Once they are at school, they have to endure countless textbooks and continue to read more even at home. Moreover, they have to prepare a lots of test by doing competition. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and eventually wears down children. If they play sports such as soccer for fun, they can forget about their daily routine and ultimately relieve stress as a way to manage the ensuing stress.
Second, playing sports for fun enables children to enjoy a better quality of life. In response to the increasing role of activities for fun, many experts opinions and research statistics reinforce the idea that playing sports for fun enables children to various experiences. For example, Since children play sports for competition rather than for fun, they are likely to consider following the wrong paths, especially when they are in trouble. Because they play sports for only win against the opposite party. While playing for competition, Sometimes they break a roles for competition like illegal act, using drug. However, if they play sports for fun, they can learn how to fix their moral standard and match the societal values they learned about to real-life circumstance. Through such guidance, they can resist the temptation of following wrong paths and thus grow up as a good adult, which encourage them to ultimately enjoy a better quality of life.
To sum up, I believe that children should play sports for fun for the following reasons: to relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have stated above.
점수: 29 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분이나 문법적 부분에 있어서는 오류가 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시를 통하여서 왜 우리가 운동을 할 때 경쟁에 초점을 맞추는 것 보다는 즐기는 것에 중점을 두어야 하는지를 구체적이고 논리적으로 잘 설명하고 있는 거 같습니다. 자신의 주장을 잘 보여줍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |