안녕하세요. 미국에서 해커스 교재로 독학하고 있는 학생입니다. 매일 게시판 보면서
도움을 많이 받고 있습니다.
다름이 아니라 독립형 숭도라 님이 올려주신 걸 보고 저도 비슷한 형식으로 쓰고 있는데
궁금한 점이 생겨 글 올립니다. 이 형식을 쓰면 좋은 점이 보통 모범답안처럼 만들고 반대편 입장을 1번과 3번 문단 사이에 추가 한 뒤에 재반박하며 3번째 문단을 소개하는 형식인데요. 글자 수도 늘릴 수 있어 좋은데 단락당 주제, 디테일등이 빠지면 감점 당하는 게 아닐까 걱정되네요. 2번바디와 3번 바디 둘다 이 점에 걸리는 것 같아서요.
요지는 바디 2번째 문단인데 이것을 쓰는게 안쓰는 것보다 점수에 좋게 반영될까요?
A debate persists over whether or not developed countries should help alleviate poverty in underdeveloped countries. Some people are against the policy of developed countries aiding poor countries. Others, however, believe that poor countries should be financially backed by rich countries. I agree with the latter stance and present my reasons below.
First, developed countries, including the
여기{Even assuming the scenario above is very plausible, some may disagree with my viewpoint, arguing that they have no reason to help those who are malnourished. They may also blame the administration of the countries in which most people can’t easily obtain food. I somewhat approve of this position[BS1] . I still, however, emphasize my idea that wealthier governments should help because there is a more important matter to consider: The world seems to be much “smaller” than before due to communications and travel. }
With the remarkable improvements in the field of science, our world is globalized. Many countries – perhaps most – have an FTA contract with each other. These often eliminate tariffs between countries. Particularly in the case of
To summarize, although each person may hold a different position on this issue, I firmly believe that poor countries should pecuniarily supported by rich ones. The rationale is that as the world is becoming more globalized, it is a better idea to devote vast amounts of money to help others rather than investing in exploring outer space.
[BS1]You may wish to add why you approve of this, for example, “…somewhat approve of this position because…”