▶ Your Answer : Some people think that a skill of organizing is not related with succeeding. However In my opinion, an organized person is more likelly to succeed. Let me explain why. First, organizing helps us to keep our important time. This is because, we do not need to find something important if it is in an organized room. Also, if someone organized not only the room but also some situation, he or she does not need to spend more time to think about the situation to solve the problem. In other word, If you waste time making mistakes and correcting them, will time wait for you? The answer will be no. Trial and error is an old story! In the world we like in, time is gold. Since we cannot turn time back, we must try to make the best out of the limited time we have by organizing around us. For example, I always organized not only her the room but also note, problems. However, my younger sister does not. As a result my test score and efficient efficiency (명사형을 써주셔야 합니다 is always higher than my younger sister's. Like this I think that an organized person is more likely to succeed.
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 우선 글에 구조가 너무 없습니다. 서론, 본론, 결론 이렇게 글이 써져야 하는데 현재의 글은 그냥 여러가지 정보가 뒤죽박죽으로 섞여 있고, 근거도 하나 뿐입니다. 전체적으로 글의 분량도 크게 늘어나야 합니다. 어법이나 문법은 크게 틀리지는 않으나 약간씩 어색한 부분들이 있어 수정이 필요합니다. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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