▶ Your Answer : I agree with the statement that regardless of whether or
not global events directly impact a person's life, it is necessary to know
about them. There are some reasons why I think this way for the following two subsequent reasons (인트로에 적합하지 않는 거 같습니다. 훅과 상대방 의견도 서술해주시길 바랍니다).
To begin with, knowledge about global events can be
helpful to get your job to get job (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). Today, many companies ask some various questions to
test applicants. Especially, global issues are one of the important topics of
job interview because most companies trade with foreign countries. Therefore,
if you have a extensive knowledge of global events, it would be easy to answer
to questions about global issues at your job interview at the job interview. For example, my younger
sister didn't have interest in global event because it doesn't have direct
impact for her life did not have interest in global event as it does not have direct relationship with her (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다). However, she failed to get a job a lot of time because she
couldn't answer to the questions about global issues at her job interview.
Therefore, she decided to study global issues and read international newspaper
constantly. As a result, she finally got a job because she answered to the question
about president election in United States wonderfully.
In addition, knowledge about global events can be helpful to
get respect from other people. This is because nowadays we’re Nowadays we are (설명 부분에 있어서는 this is because~는 적절하지 않습니다) often evaluated
by the amount of knowledge. For example, my younger brother usually like to watch
television news about global issues so he have a lot of knowledge of them likes watching television news (he는 단수 주어 입니다). One
day, quiz contest was held in his high school. Fortunately, more than fifty percent
of quizzes were about global issues and he got the correct answer easily.
Therefore, my brother won a contest prize. After this, many students and teachers
started to respect my younger brother.
For these reasons, I agree with the statement that regardless of whether or
not global events directly impact a person's life, it is necessary to know
about them.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 인트로 랑 결론이 적절하지 않게 서술하였습니다. 제가 지적한 것처럼 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이는 전체적으로 문법적 오류들이 많습니다. 특히 단수 복수 주어에 따른 동사 형태에 대한 문제가 너무 많습니다. 이러한 부분을 좀 더 집중을 하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |