▶ Your Answer
It is
controversial whether it is good to receive advice from elderly people. Some
people think that It has not effect that advice given by grandparents
to their grandchildren in modern society,
because generation lived by grandparents is different from generation
will be lived by children advice from ole people is not important as the generation gap distracts the truth of advice. In my opinion, however, I think
that advice given by grandparent will be important things
to children's life for the following two subsequent reasons. is important to the children for the following two subsequent reasons.
To
begin with, major rules do not be changed do not get changed. Although period era (era가 더 적절한 표현인거 같습니다) is
changed, it is not changed that basic principle in people's
life basic principle of people's life do not get changed. People's life changes markedly because of developed
technology. However, there is no change in morality. The same as
past, people People must not to kill others and should love family. It
is important past and nowadays. So grandparents’ advice about morality and
it will be great tip for children. When I was young, I fought with my
friend every day. I bothered classmates. I did not know that it was wrong
to cause violence. One day, my grandfather noticed that I did my wrong doing. He
told me that I should not hit my friends. I realized that and did not
bother anymore since grandfather gave me an advice.
On
top of that, elderly people have a large of experience. It is directly proportional
time and experience. Diverse experience enhances quality and amount of
advice. So grandparents can give a lot of good advice. For
instance, I wondered about why people wanted to earn much money as
possible as they could do. So I asked my older brother but he could not
answer because he was so young to know that.
However, grandfather could answer.
To
sum up, I firmly believe that grandparents’ advice can be effective tips
in now days. This is because although time is
changed, major rules do not be changed. In addition, elderly
people have many experience enough to give advice.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 전체적으로 에세이가 정리가 덜되었다라는 것 입니다. 에세이가 정리가 덜되었다라는 느낌이 드는 가장 결정적인 이유는 전체적으로 본인의 에세이 자체가 논리적으로 결여됩니다. 논리적으로 결여되다 보니 전체적으로 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 또한 너무 반복적인 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 부분들을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |