▶ Your Answer :
There
has been an argument regarding the issue of whether understanding ideas and
concepts is more important than learning facts for students. Some people insist
that it is more valuable to understand ideas and concepts that it is to learn
facts because of broadening their views. For my perspective In my perspective, however, learning
facts is more important than understanding ideas. In this essay, I will present
two reasons to support my viewpoint. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To start with, learning facts makes people
develop their own ideas. Recent studies have shown that acquiring facts can
broaden people's thinking. Because after listening facts, people start to think
about those and develop their own concepts After listening facts, people think about such medium deeply to develop to their own concept. My personal experience can attest
this. When I wan in high school, I studied about 1970's political situation in
South Korea. The president at that time killed many innocent university
students for his extra ruling. So I tried to find more facts and documents
related that event. Finally, I had my own opinion about the event. (예시를 통하여서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다 이유를 서포트 못하고 있는 거 같습니다)
Secondly, learning facts can minimize the bias
related issues that students are studying. Students are taught by teachers.
When teachers teach students, they can give information and ideas. Sometimes
students are confused that the ideas from teachers are also information related
with a issue. Thus student can have a bias about a issue. For example, in
history class, my teacher taught us that Japan had do very crucial things to us
but those were all for our country had done bad things to our country (동사가 두 개 입니다). At that time I was thinking Japan was
trying to help our country and good country. But it featured out that it was
not true. Like this example, giving some ideas and concepts can makes students
have a bias.
To
sum up, My stance is that students should study only facts not ideas or
concepts. This is because that students can improve their ideas and do not have
a bias.
점수: 22 전체적으로 에세이가 주제를 벗어났다라는 느낌이 가장 많이 듭니다. 주제를 벗어났다라고 느껴지는 가장 큰 요인은 각 단락의 예시들이 이유를 재대로 서포트 못하고 있습니다. 이유를 서포트 하는 것 보다는 전혀 다른 부분에 대한 얘기를 나누는 거 같습니다. 또한 전체적인 단락들 자체작 주제에 대하여서 얘기를 하지 않습니다. 따라서 이 에세이는 주제와의 연관성을 초점에 맞춰서 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |