▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that teachers have to communicate with students than to be study in their fields (비교 구문이 아니기 때문에 비교할 필요가 없습니다). However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First, if teachers hesitate to develop on their own, they might get low assesment from students. Second, most students like teachers who can teach easily (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 설명 할 것이기 때문에 인트로에서 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다). To begin with, teachers can get evaluation about their teaching ability by students nowadays. get evaluated from students nowadays However, if they do not experts in their subjects specialize in their subject, they might get lower grade. For example, when I was in high school, I had to evaluate teachers' class method annually. At that time, I gave lower point one teachers teacher (one 뒤에서는 단수 명사 동사 입니다) who does not focus on his class. Because, he always want to talk with students rather than give valuable education. In my opinion, high quality of the class is the most important thing to teachers As he always wants to talk with students, the quality of class was lowest. On top of that, most students like teachers who can teach well. Because, they can get lots of information from diligent teachers Students can get lots of information from teachers who are expert in their field (이유에 대해서 좀 더 설명을 하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, there was a poll conducted by Korea Gallup with one hundred high school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about which type of teachers did students more like. A friendly teachers who always talk with students or teachers who are striving on his job teacher who always talks with students or teacher who strives on his job were shown. An overwhelming 91% students responded that they prefer teachers who always endeavor on the class since To sum up, teachers who study hard got high assessment and most students like them. In this regard, I firmly believe that teachers have to study more on their fields.
점수: 23 일단 각 단락에서 서로의 문제가 보여지는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 바디 단락 같은 경우에 있어서는 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 이유에 대해서 구체적으로 설명하지 않고 바로 예시로 넘어갔습니다. 좀 더 이유에 대한 설명을 구체화 시키시길 바랍니다. 마지막으로 지금 이 에세이는 단수 복수 명사에 따른 동사 형태에 대한 문제점이 보여지니 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |