▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that enjoying the money you earn as you get it is much better. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, people can be relaxed and relieved with the saved money. Second, people can use the money to do something expensive.
To begin with, some saved money savings makes people relaxed and relieved. (In what situation?) Generally speaking, money is one of the things that is always essential for people to live until they die. In this regard, such a saving habit can help people to be free from the worries related to their unstable future and uncomfortable situations. However, if people use all the money they make, they will definitely face monetary problems. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was a middle school student, I spent spend all the money I got. (For what things?) One day, I realized that I did not have any cash even to buy the stuff for my class. Thus Accordingly, I had to borrow some money from my friends, and it was humiliated and unpleasant. After the situation, I decided to save money for myself, and I could be more stable with my money.
On top of that, there are many high-priced activities and objects that people want. (Clarify the meaning) To be specific, not only traveling to other countries, but also purchasing a new electronic appliance needs lots of money. These are costly, but they make people more amusing and convenient. However, if people do not save money, they will lose many options they can enjoy. For instance, before saving my starting storing money, I tended to buy a plenty of cheap objects frequently, such as pens and notes instead of pricey one stuff. The problem was that the possible choice of the range was so narrow that I became tired of them. One day, I wanted to buy a new MP3 player, but I had no money to get one. Thus, I had to give up forgive the new one. If I had not used all the money easily, I would have purchased the new MP3 player and utilized it conveniently.
In a nutshell, people should save their money to be relieved about their future. Furthermore, they can be affordable more widely with some saved money. For these reasons, I strongly think that saving money for the future is much better.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 첫 번째 주장의 relaxed 는 다소 설득력이 낮아보이는 word 이므로 강력한 단어를 사용해 주시는 것이 좋겠습니다. 또한 어떤 상황에서 그러한지까지 함께 적어주세요.
- Word choice가 종종 적절하지 않은 경우가 보이네요. - 과거예시에는 과거형으로 사용하여 주세요. - 두 번째는 불필요한 물건을 자주 샀었던 습관에 대해서 명시해보는 것도 좋을 것으로 보입니다. |
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