■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : Spending money on jewelry VS vacation
▶ Your Answer :
Many people like jewelry because it is very beautiful. A lot of people spend much money to buy it by forgiving other things. However, in my opinion spending money on vacation is more valuable than buying jewelry. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
First of all, people can get various experiences on vacation. Experience is the most important thing in our life that can't be exchanged with any other thing. In addition, people learn so many things through experience that will be helpful for them. With the money, they can get more plentiful experience. For example, when I was a university student, I took a part-time job and save about $30000. As it was very much money for me, I carefully considered what can I do with this money. One day my friends recommended traveling to Europe that she had ever been. Europe was very interesting place for me because I saw there on TV so many times. I took a trip to Europe about 20 days, and I met many foreigner friends. They told me about their countries and this experience made me want to study international communication. These days I think I would have study that I don't like without this experience.
Secondly, People can lose their interest in the jewelry very quickly. People often buy jewelry because It looks pretty. When they wear a jewelry like necklace, It seems it makes them more beautiful. However, It's a just moment. As time passes, the jewelry will become a common thing to them. They can't be happy with the same thing. My friend Jane is a good example of this. She bought gold ring with her allowance. She always told me that "As It is very expensive, I will wear this until I die." It looked she really liked her jewelry and I could not help believing her word. However, after a month I couldn't see her ring on her hand. She lost her interest in ring, and she sold it in lower price than she bought.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that spending money on vacation than jewelry is better. This is because vacation can make precious experience and jewelry is very short time enjoyment.
things단어 너무 많이 씁니다.
조금 더 구체적으로 설명하거나 명확한 명사 쓸 수 있도록 해주세요.
어휘는 아주 기본적인 어휘 위주로 조금 반복되는 듯 하여 약간은 아쉽습니다. 조금 더 다양한 어휘 사용할 수
있도록 표현이나, 숙어 위주로 공부하시면 좋을 것 같아요
문장 형식 자체가 주어 동사 목적어, 이렇게 기본적인 형식으로만 많이 쓰이는 거 같아 (길이가 짧기도 하고) 읽다보면 조금 지루하다고 느낄 때도 있습니다. 조금 더 다양한 문장 형식 사용해서 써주세요.