▶ Your Answer :
There have been dissenters to the view that those who are more likely to influence teenage students more strongly than anyone else are their friends. However, in my opinion, teenagers are not that much most intensely affected by their friends. This is because teenagers spend the largest amount of time with their friends, and they have a the strongest relationship with their friends in that they which can make them share a lot of things together with their friends. To begin with, teenage students use most of their time with their friends. (So that?) Those are friends that teens face up with when they go to school or participate in gatherings. (Awkward sentence)There is no one like friends who share the same place and time more than friends in one's adolescence. For example, a poll was conducted by the Department of Education in Seoul National University as with 300 students in their teen as respondents. The main purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about the rank of their friends in the amount of time they share everyday. (What does the rank mean?) As a result, the majority of respondents claimed that they are spending a great deal of time with the friends more than anyone else in their neighborhood. In detail, an overwhelming 68 percent had replied that they have had shared the most time with the friends for their teens. This is mainly due to the fact that teenage students usually spend most of their time in school. Therefore, those who they begin to be friendly with and get affected by the most are their friends. The result of this survey proves that teenagers spend the largest amount of the time with their friends, thereby leading to the strongest influence on their life. On top of that, teenagers make relationships to through which they can communicate a wealth of things with their friends. They usually have a lot in common with their friends in that they have shared experiences, think about similar problems, and go through the same changes in their body and mental state. Therefore, they are able to share a tremendous array of concerns and tips with their friends without any burden. For instance, I was really confused when I was in middle school. This was because what I was interested in dramatically changed after I became an adolescent. However, thanks to my friends near around me, I could overcome many difficulties I confronted during my adolescence. (What was that exactly) Unfortunately, my parents could not be of a big help because they were too much older than me and had less in common compared to my friends. In retrospect, I hold believe that I was hugely affected by my friends a lot while talking with them about my concerns and spending much time together. To sum up, teenagers spend most of their time and are able to share a lot of experiences with their friends. These are largely regarded as the most crucial factors which can contribute to the power of influence. In this regard, I firmly believe that those who affect teenage students most strongly are their friends.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
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