■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries. |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people claim that universities should put much more money on libraries than on sports because libraries are the most important facilities as students should study in there.
However, in my opinion, universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries because sports help students to learn how to cooperate with others and to improve their psychological strength.
First, students can learn how to do team-work and interact with others while doing sports. Universities are the place where students participate in many activities and pre-experience the society they meet after graduates. Sports is a great way they can learn and prepare to be a member of the society as they improve their social skills while doing sports like basketball, soccer and so on. To be specific, there was a sports day every year and I was able to learn how to cooperate with others by being engaged in a group marathon.
Furthermore, students can release their stress and anxieties from sports. Nowadays, it is getting more difficult for students to get a stable job when they graduate. There was a steady depression in our economy and this has been effected on the affected the job market resulting in lesser quality jobs opened to students than before. As a result, students are more likely to be stressed and anxious about their future. It is well known that sports are good for relieving the stress and making one’s mind stronger (strong의 비교급은 stronger 최상급은 strongest 입니다) . For example, my friend from university was able to control his mind and decrease his anxiety for the job searching while he played basketball.
To sum up, students are able to improve their social skills and relieve the stress from pierce job competition. For these reasons, I think universities should spend the same money on developing sports facilities as on libraries.
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1. 문법은 대체적으로 깔끔한 편입니다.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 두 번째 문단에서 stress and anxiety의 원인을 job 말고 학업적 스트레스로 연결지으시면
조금 더 문맥이 자연스러울 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*