■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : | It is better to learn many skills than to specialize in one skill if you want to succeed.
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is better to specialize in one skill many skills than to learn many skills if you want succeed while others do not. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that people should learn many skills to succeed (succeed는 동사이고 success는 명사입니다) in life. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when people learn a lot of skills, it will help them to improve their work performance. Many skills such as computer, foreign language and presentation skills help people work more efficiently and accurately. It is likely to bring a better result in work. For instance, when my sister was in company, at first, she did not do work well because she did not have skills which were needed to work efficiently. (대소문자 구분) It was difficult for her to use computer programs such as MS-WORD, EXCEL which were essential to work. Fortunately, she was able to deal with this problem by studying MS-OFFICE programs. (엠에스 관련 부분을 그냥 MS Word 이런식으로 써주셔도 괜찮을 것 같습니다. 굳이 다 대문자로 쓰지 않으셔도 됩니다.) By doing this, she became the (올바른 관사) employee of the month in her company and be confident about herself. This implies that a lot of skills can contribute to success in work.
On top of that, if students study many skills, it will allow them to get a job more easily. These days, getting a good job is very difficult. This is because companies tend (주어 동사 불일치) to hire students who have many skills and experiences in their life. Therefore, getting a lot of new many skills is likely to make students fit in their job position easily and quickly. For example, when I was in college, I often felt depressed thinking that my life became exhausting routine. This is because it was very hard to seek a job which was suitable for me. Although I was a chemical major and have chemical analysis abilities, I did not have many skills such as foreign language skills and computer skills which were needed by company. I consulted one of my friends about my problems and he recommended me to learn Chinese for me. After listening to my friend's (소유격 표시) recommendation, I studied Chinese very hard and got a job in Chinese chemical company.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantage of learning many skills far outweigh those of specializing in (전치사 필요합니다) one skill for the reasons as I mentioned above. All in all, the importance of learning many skills cannot be overestimated in pursuit of success in life.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
4. 동어 반복이 상당히 자주 일어나고 있습니다.
skills, job 같이 특정 단어가 굉장히 많이 나옵니다.
동의어와 대명사를 적극적으로 활용하셔서 동어 반복을 줄여주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*