▶ Your Answer :
Words
alone cannot express the importance of purchasing products. One should not,
however, fall prey to the misconception that buying foreign products is better
than buying domestic ones. I, therefore, strongly believe that purchasing
domestic products is better choice for us. There are two examples to underscore
that validity of this statement.
Firstly, it is true that selling more amount
of domestic products make more job opportunity in our country. paragraph의 첫 문장을 fact로 시작하지 마세요 무조건 자신의 의견을 잘 피력할 수 있는 문장이어야합니다. . For example,
there are two huge mobile companies in the world. One is Apple in USA, the
other one is Samsung electronics in South Korea. They always offer really fancy
and art-of-the-state innovational mobile phones every year. In my case,
although both of their phones are really good and their quality is also quite
comparable, I usually select the Samsung phone. This is because Samsung is
based on South Korea, my country. I believe that growing up of my country's
company lead to activate economy of this country and, in reality, it brings
about more job openings for job seekers in my country.
Secondly, if country
people buy some foreign products because of the price or quality, it is not
that big problem in the first time. On the other hand, if people keep buying
foreign materials instead of domestic ones, my country cannot develop ourselves
itself. In the end, we have to dependent on other countries to use some
products. It can lead to a bad effect that other counties can control our
country's economy. As an example, my country always imported a chemical gas, which
is used in many factories, from Japan. A few years ago, Japan suddenly stopped
the supply the chemical gas without any announcement.
It
was the panic for my country's companies.
Lots of companies in my country were in a state of panic.
Eventually, my country built other trade roots in hurry and also started
research and development for the gas materials.
As I mentioned above, using domestic products
is better choice. The importance of purchasing products in our society can
never be overestimated, so I would like to urge people to wake from the
illusion that buying foreign products can be okay (will be accepted) in
our life. I would not think twice before choosing to do so.
주장에 대한 설명이 제대로 되지 않은 상태에서 막 지나가는 느낌입니다. 그리고 마지막에 conclusion적을 때 as I mentioned above라고 뭉뚱그리기보다는 정확히 무슨 주장인지 설명을 하는 것이 좋습니다. 그리고 어휘 더 다양하게 적을 수 있도록 주의해서 공부하면 좋을 것 같습니다 |