▶ Your Answer : There are a wide range of problems that should be solved by governments, and environmental problem is one of them. Some people think that governments should concentrate on researches about earthly matters because there are so much problems which require adequate solution in earth that we can't conduct research related to outer space simultaneously. However, I strongly insist that it is better for governments to spend their funds on the exploration of outer space than on earthly matters for two reason; preventing dangerous situations by predicting future problems and searching for a new planet for human to live on. 이렇게 introduction이 길면 안됩니다. 길어도 되는데 이렇게 기려면 다음에 나오는 main paragraph가 훨씬 길게 나와야해요. introduction은 그냥 짧게 자신이 앞으로 할 말+hook정도만 적고 끝내는 것이 좋습니다 To begin with, human can prepare for their future danger by exploring outer space and predicting the events that can be caused. 이것보다는 with exploring outer space, human can be more prepared for possible future danger. 이렇게 쓰는 것이 훨씬 clear focusing합니다. Many problems which come from outer space are usually unavoidable, and therefore we should ger ready of those problems perfectly in advance. For example, in the past, there was an accident between earth and meterorite. Some scientists assist that crush between earth and alien substance might be a cause of dinosaur extinction. At that time, ice age began after that accident and almost all animals were died out. It can happen not only for animals, but also for human living nowadays. Moreover, searching for a new planet for human to live on might be the best way to solve problems of earth and universe. As I mentioned before, there are so much unavoidable problems. If it can't be solved, fundamental avoiding by migration can be a solution. To illustrate this, Mars is one of the most studied planet. Because of its environmental conditions such as temperature, researchers have expectations that Mars might be a perfect place for second place to live. If Mars can be a place for human to live, human can relatively easily avoid earthly problems by migration. In conclusion, human can prevent dangerous accidents and predicting future problems by research on outer space. Also, it would help searching for a new planet for human to live on. For these reasons, I strongly insist that It is better for governments to spend their funds on the exploration of outer space than on earthly matters.
주장이 조금 더 자세히 설명되었다면 좋았을 거 같아요. 그리고 어휘 약간 아쉽습니다. dangerous이런 단어는 몇몇 동의어 쓰는 것이 훨씬 좋습니다. |