0127 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. 대략 50분 걸렸네요. 한 4.5 정도 가능할까요?
It is general opinion that reading fictions is more interesting than watching movies due to expending our imagination however I disagree with the above opinion. The rationale behind this is following reasons.<-구체적으로 어떤 이유들인지 살짝 언급하는게 좋습니다. 단, paraphrase로.
First of all, from movies we can feel much more reality than reading books. The wide screen, real activities of actors or actress on the screen and vivid sound give enough reality to viewer even though every one knows well it is not a real situation.<- 모든이들이 영화가 실제상황이 아니라는 것을 알더라도 영화는 현실성을 보여준다? 이해안가는 문장입니다. -> 실제로 일어날 수도 있을법한 이야기를 눈으로 볼수있게 해준다. 관객이 자신을 주인공이라 착각할 정도로,,,Why people like the series of movie, '007'. Whiling watching this movie they feel like they become the main character, James Bond and actually experience the adventure and risky moment on the screen. Movies are so realistic that people tend to forget their real situation while they are watching movies.<-이미 앞에서 언급한 내용을 반복할 필요없습니다. 이 다음에 연결어 필요+ It is much more enjoyable than reading.
Moreover, beside movies themselves we can enjoy varied things from movies. For instance we can enjoy movies with our family and friends, and after finishing the movie sharing opinion gives us time to recall the movie and it is also interesting. In addition these days numerous people are interested in the story about actors or actresses. I also talk to their story when I meet my friends even though they are not related to our lives. One of the famous actresses in Hollywood, Angelina Jolly, has adopted one Cambodian boy as her son and she is also interested in supporting the poor children thus, she already held several parties to support them. When I talk about the stars story like Angelina Jolly I feel pleased. <- 소주제는 분명 영화로부터 다양한 즐거움을 얻을 수 있다인데, 그 다양한 즐거움이 스타로 한정되어 있습니다. 예를 시작하기 전에 다양한 즐거움이 무엇이 있는지 간단하게라도 언급하면 좋을것같습니다.
Why people more visit to theater than to book store because movies offers us more pleasure than books. Vivid realistic from movies can allow us to forget our stress and fell into the scene on the screen and we can enjoy talking our friends or searching the information about current stars. They are all unique presents only movies give us.
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본론1,2를 모두 영화의 내용측면을 다루고 있네요,,
소제가 유사한 것보다는 전혀 다른 분야의 소제여야 내용이 다양해지고, 설득력도 갖게되는 것입니다.
본론 하나는 내용면을 쓰셨다면, 본론 나머지 하나는 경제면이라든가, (책값은 얼마고, 영화비용은 얼마고,,) 처럼 다양하게 쓰시면 더 좋겠습니다.