There are(is) debates(an ongoing debate) (as to)whether a new high school may(should) be built in my community or not. Although (there are)* needs for a new (educational) facility, I (strongly)oppose the plan (that a new high school will be built in my neighborhood)** for the following reasons;(:)*** it would cause serious traffic congestion and security problems.
* 첫번째 문장에도 there are/is 를 쓰셨는데 반복하시면 글의 전체적인 흐름이 어색^^;;
** 이미 언급하셨으니 불필요 한 듯. The plan만으로 충분합니다~
*** 우선 following reasons 여기선 ; 이 아니라 : 이 쓰입니다. 그러나 : 뒤에 문장이 아니라 절(구 라고 하던가요?) 단어를 리스트 하는 형식으로..(eg for the following reasons: an increase is traffic, etc) 그러나 이유가 두개밖에 없으니까 아무래도 이 형식은 피하시고 because, for 로 바로 연결해주시거나 아니면 새로운 문장을 시작하시는게 좋을 듯 합니다.
우선 intro만 해봤는데요 도움이 될성 싶으시면 말씀해주세요 계속 해드릴께요
이번시험잘봐서 원서써야하는데 염치없지만 도와주시면 감사하겠어요. [문제] It has recently announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer. [에세이] There are debates whether a new high school may be built in my community or not. Although there are needs for a new facility, I oppose the plan that a new high school will be built in my neighborhood for the following reasons; it would cause serious traffic congestion and security problems. First of all, a new high school built may cause a lot of traffic in that the students coming to the new high school wouldn't be walking.They would come on buses or would be driving to the school. Either way, this would mean a lot more traffic in our neighborhood. Also there are many activities such as football game or baseball game at the school. Would there be enough parking lot at the school? Probably not. Consequently, those extra cars might end up in our community. Seconldy, it will bring about security problems because of some bad students from the new high school. Every school has students having troubles and they gather in groups. They might make problems with drugs or fights. I don't think the school could guarantee us security. In sum, I don't approve of the plan to place a new high school in my town because it bothers our residents with the traffic and security problems. Our town will no longer be a good place to live conveniently when a new high school be built in my community. 문법적으로 틀린곳 지적해주시고 점수도 채점해주시면 정말로 감사하겠어요. 부탁드립니다!