Dear ets망해라:
I made some comments on your introduction and the first body paragraph. I hope you find this useful.
Cheers,
Almost all the people offer and [J1] get[J2] receive services when they buy something at a shop or have a meal in a restaurant. Service is one of the most critical factorfactors of evaluating a company or the shop. When people complain about the service or product, they usually takestake two different types of action - they complain in writing or they complain in person. Some people might prefer to complaining in writing because it can express more rationally and neatly, but I would choose to complain of complaining personally in person [J3]for the following reasons.
First of all, complaining in person personally can appealexpress stronger appeal than by the written materialdocument. For example, if someone got a poor service in a restaurant, he or she[J4] might survey[J5] his or her disappointment or complaint in writing later on. However, if he or she goes to the manager or supervisor and appeal his bad feeling through the disappointed voice and facial expressions, perhaps [J6] the manager would feel much more sorry than receiving the public letter of complaint.[J7] Furthermore, personal complaining can be a good example of showing how the company or a service provider deals with customer in front of many other customers. [J8] In this context, personal expression of complaint appeals strongly.
[J1]The examples that you are talking about after “when” is about receiving service so I think you do not need this verb here.
[J2]In academic writing, it is better to use the specific verb rather than to use get, which is very vague in many ways.
[J3]Personally has a different usage from in person.
[J4]You should use the pollitically correct term. This would do no good if your referee is a woman.
[J5]I think you chose wrong verb here. With this verb, the sentence does not make sense.
[J6]redundant
[J7]Good point, but why?
[J8]I kind of got the idea, but I think you need to revise this sentence. In addition, I think you need to provide an example of this argument.