시험이 얼마안남았네요.. 다들열심히해요~~아무래도 제가쓴 작문...문법이 많이 틀린것같네요..왠지..말이 안되는부분도 많네요..지적해주심감사해요~^.~
It is announced that a new high school build is built in my community. Somepeople say that constructhing a new high school might bring environmental pollution, noise pollution, and traffic jams. but (However,) I firmly believe that building a high school is useful in my community. because I support building a new high school -> 요 문장은 앞문장의 반복이므로 없는 것이 좋을듯 because of local devepopment, academic atmosphere, and saving traffic expenses.
First of all, founding a high school would further bring the development of a local town. by building a new high school, people are crowded into the community. also, people move on the town. because most of the people want to go to near the school. If my (their) houses are close to the school, parents think that their children can spare time and traffic expenses. for this reason, building a new high school is helpful.
Next, a high school would bring academic atmosphere. by constructing a new high school, reading rooms and academies are built the neighborhood in my town. in my case, my community around the school was a lot of academies. accordingly, I could much more study in my academy. in this sense, founding a new high school is useul to people.
To summarize, I agree with the plan to build a new high school to the effect of development, educational surrounding, and economy.
--------------
본론 1의 소주제가 지역 발전인데요,,예가 부실한 듯 합니당..사람들이 많이 몰려와서 집에서 가까운 학교 보내려고 한다는 본론2의 내용과 비슷한것 같구요,,지역발전 예를 드시려면,,학원 에세이에서 본것이긴 하지만 고등학교 건설을 하니까 건설인부나, 식당 직원, 교사, ,, 이런 분들을 지역에서 채용하니까 실업문제가 해소 되더라,,이런 경제와 관련된 예시가 더욱 적절할 듯합니다.
문장 맨앞은 대문자 쓰시구요,,,3.5점 이상 될 듯합니다.