Dear 열공:
I made some comments on your work. I hope you find this useful.
Cheers,
oxidejo
What is the best way to learn effectively? It depends on each person's thinking. However, I prefer to learn to do[J1] actually by myself. Therefore, the impact[J2] on what I have learned[J3] is so strong that the knowledge[J4] last for a long time and the experience offers me motivation to study deeply for the knowledge.
First of all, understanding[J5] by using my hand or brain lasts longer in my memory than that which comes from books or someone's talking. I think everyone have the same experience with me. [J6] When it comes to mathematics, It is very funny[J7] when I solve a question with writing its process down on paper [J8] I can also solve the same types of questions on the test. But when I just read its process of a question on the book the next day on the real exam I can not solve the same question. Therefore, the understanding from really doing by my hand can be said as my real knowledge. <1st Paragraph> [J9]
Moreover, this kind[J10] of knowledge gives me strong motivation to try to search the knowledge more deeply and extensively. When I was a high school student, biology class was aan interesting subject for me[J11] . Especially the anatomy of animals attracted my attention. I could find that there are varied differentvarious organs which are different from humans' bodies. This interesting[J12] led me to choose my major in university for 'veterinary' and also now I am thinking about for graduate school. <2nd Paragraph> [J13]
Consequently, I prefer to learn trough experience or experiment by using my hands or brain. Therefore differentiated from reading books or listening to someone's talking, this type of knowledge[J14] not only lasts for a long time in my memory but also offers me strong motivation to study more.
[J1]This does not make sense.
[J2]What impact are you talking about?
[J3]This does not make sense.
[J4]What kinds of knowledge are you talking about?
[J5]Understanding what?
[J6]Says who? This is an overgeneralization. You need a back-up data for this argument.
[J7]Note the word usage.
[J8]I kind of got the idea, but not precisely. Please revise this sentence.
[J9]Your example makes sense, but I am afraid that this example is not relevant to the topic given.
[J10]What kinds of knowledge are you talking about?
[J11]This is rather vague plase clarify.
[J12]??
[J13]I don’t really get the idea of this paragraph. After I read your conclusion, I figured that you meant that the hands-on experience of dissecting specimen led you to choose your major. However, you did not mention it in this paragraph. In addition, your topic sentence says that the experience allow you to study in depth, but there is no linking ideas how the experience motivate you to study more.
[J14]What type of knowledge do you mean?