조금 덧붙였어요... 이정도 쓰면 5점 가능한가요? 전 시간이 턱없이 부족해요.. 어떤식으로 연습해야하죠?
Topic 123. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should read only those books that are about real events, real people, and established facts. Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.
There are various books, but there are not books that are not important. Just a different book has a different purpose and lecture, so it is meaningless to compare the value of fiction and that of nonfiction. Reading only one kind of books is that one eat only bread without milk, meat and so on. So whoever read only a nonfiction are to have unbalanced knowledge. Thus, I think the statement that people should read only nonfiction is nonsense for following additional reasons. (추가적인 이유인 본론1,2의 소주제를 살짝 언급해주세요 that 본론1 소주제 and 본론2 소주제)
First (First of all), Imagination is as important as knowledge based on facts. If people have to read only nonfiction like scientific articles and biography conversation between people would be dry and dull. And further anxious thing is that the creativity and imagination may diminish gradually. It is a great loss because imagination and creativity have had important role in inventing many useful things. In Korea, it is trend that many modern parents concentrate on increasing children's imagination rather than developing children's knowledge. So (so 라는 연결사 보다는 Consequently 혹은Therefore)you can see more fictions for children than scientific books in a bookstore.
Second(Moreover), limited writing materials cause shortage of appropriate education. It is clear that mankinds could not all thing that we can imagine but it is worth thinking and teaching to our children. So limited educational materials cause serious famine for knowledge based on imagination. If you would like to teach your children about morality, you would probably take a fabric story for example. Explaining the definition to children dose not pay.(For example,) My mother used to tell me fables when I was only six. It intrigued my imagination and taught me many lessons. Otherwise,(Consequently, Therefore 이거나 여기서 부터 한 줄 띄고 결론 In conclusion 으로 하심될듯) It would take more time for me to understand a various basic knowledge with nonfiction which is difficult for children to understand. I have never thought fiction useless and now I take it for granted that people should read a variety of book. Thus I disagree with above statement.
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문장들을 보다 자연스럽게 만드는 연결사들을 다시 한번 보시구요, 예를 넣으시니 한결 보기 좋은듯,,내용을 30분 안에 쓰실 수 없다면, 빨리 쓰시는 연습을 하시던가, 아니면 시험장에서 결론은 못쓸것을 예상하시고, 본론 1,2를 더욱 탄탄하게 쓰시면 됩니다. 점수는 그대로 다 쓰시면 4.5 점 이상나올듯 합니다.