▶ Your Answer : There is a debate about whether classmates have a big effect on a student's academic achievement rather than teachers. The answer is vary depending on the individual's perspectives. After pondering upon the idea from several view points, I am of the opinion that teachers have a bigger effect on a student's academic achievement than classmates do. I feel this way for two reasons and I will explore in the following essay. Firs of all, teacher can offer what they need to students. I am an elementary school teacher. One day, my students took a math exam and they got low grades. I got disappointed about their scores and decided to improve their grades. I was aware that lack of points was different depending on individual. Some students made calculation errors and others did not understand principals. I provided them with materials, which were made rely on their ability. Then, they took math exam again and their grades were remarkably developed. I think that this score was a result of materials , which I gave them. Second, teachers help them (student라고 명시해주세요) to concentrate on their tasks. A survey conducted by Mirae university shows that a teacher who is motivated makes student to focus on lectures. University found a teacher who is famous on her field and asked her to teach a content twice while her attitude should be unlike. In first lecture, she taught student as adequate and vibrant voice. And (and로 문장 시작하지 마세요) in other class, she spoke little likely a person who is sick. Results were distinguished. First group concentrated on their study, on the other hand, second group were bored and even someone slept. This indicates how important teachers is. Teacher can supply students with appropriate materials and make them to focus on their tasks. For these reasons I strongly believe that teacher is conducive students to achieve their goal.
우선 문법 오류가 굉장히 많은 편입니다. 시제 오류가 가장 많은 편이고 동사를 빼먹고 쓰지 않는 문장, 수일치 오류 등이 보입니다. 제 생각에는 에세이보다는 기본적인 문장 쓰기 연습+더 다양한 어휘 공부가 먼저 선행되는게 좋을 거 같습니다. 문장을 만드는게 약간 어설퍼 보입니다. 다른 사람의 글을 (잘 쓰인) 읽는 것도 좋은 방법 중 하나입니다. |